so, as you might have guessed...it's been a rough week. actually, i think it's probably been the hardest one i've ever experienced. i'm not trying to be dramatic and i'm not wanting anyone's pity...i'm just being for real.

i think it's the combination of circumstances that has left me feeling completely out of it and unsure of what to do with myself. situations that are totally out of my control are hard to accept sometimes (or most of the time, but anyway). there have been moments of laughter and lightheartedness this week and i've felt like maybe things are getting better...but it seems that not-so-good news has been around the corner at each turn. i'm just so tired of it. my mind is tired...my body is tired...and my heart is tired.

i miss myself, if that makes sense. i miss the loud laughing that people make fun of. i miss the smiling that happens so often (even if it might not be totally appropriate). i miss being excited and silly...just enjoying life and the people i am living it with.

but God is still God. He is in control...He is the only one who can fill me up. i'm positive that i've never been as desperate for Him as i am now. and for that i am thankful.

i'm ready to be on the other side of all this drama, looking back...and just seeing all the ways that He showed himself faithful. but i'm not there yet, so be patient with me.