lbzy.

timing.

2007-04-03T11:58:00.000-05:00

yeah, i know...all i ever do is hit you up with links these days. i think virb might become the place for other thoughts. we'll see.

at any rate, you need to read this post by michaela. seriously. whoa.

in other news, i might be going to africa. stay tuned.

joy.

2007-03-25T05:29:00.000-05:00

there are no words.
this story touched me in a way i can't explain. go read it.

suggestions?

2007-03-19T13:36:00.000-05:00

i'm taking the day off tomorrow. woo! it's gonna be a wonderful little break.

i have an idea of what i wanna do...but i think you should give me your suggestions. so, do it. in the comments.

please?

thanks.

wertz.

2007-03-18T19:55:00.001-05:00

so, i finally purchased wertz's new album the other day (along with the newness from andy davis and jon mclaughlin). it has been on repeat for days. dang. one of those albums that comes at a time when practically every song makes me go "whoa...i know exactly how he feels." whatev.

you should check it out.

UNLEASH 2007

2007-03-17T00:03:00.001-05:00

UNLEASH 2007
Originally uploaded by Lanna Grace.

go check out lanna's photos for a glimpse into what went down at newspring yesterday.

all i can say is...our volunteers--our people--are simply incredible. they love jesus, they love newspring, and they love others. and it shows.

last night i woke up about 1am and couldn't go back to sleep (shocker!), so i started googling unleash to see what people were saying...and it completely confirmed what we already knew. among all the awesome comments about worlds being rocked, perry just saying it like it is, and God showing up, there was a common theme. seriously, 99% of the blog posts i read included some reference to being BLOWN AWAY by our volunteers! and yeah, i work with our volunteers, but i'm not telling you this stuff to pat myself or any of our staff on the back. newspring volunteers were the ones clapping and cheering for groups as they walked up to registration. they were the ones serving bbq to 900 people in a humongous tent (in an hour). they were the ones driving to the store and buying benadryl for conference attendees who needed it. i am so proud of our people and the bar that they set so high for other church leaders. they showed them all what serving in the local church can look like...a lot of fun!

not only did our volunteers go WAY above and beyond...they keep thanking us for the opportunity to serve! it's just insane. most of the 300 or so volunteers who made UNLEASH happen took a day off of work. and they busted their tails caring for people. and yet, at the end of it all...when they should be letting us thank them for the stellar job they did...they are sending us emails about how much they loved and appreciated the chance to serve. simply amazing. that's what true servants' hearts look like. i am humbled to be able to serve alongside all these amazing people.

quick update.

2007-03-14T22:51:00.000-05:00

mom had her heart cath this afternoon. there was only a 10-15% chance that the stress test was a false positive. we, of course, were hoping and praying that they would get in there and find nothing wrong. but i don't think we really thought that would happen.

it feels so good to be wrong.

after hours of waiting for them to actually do the thing, it was over in about 30 minutes (which just blows my mind)...dad wasn't even back from running home to walk the dog when the doctor came to tell me that her heart is fine. everything looks good. the test was incorrect.

wow. RELIEF.

thanks, friends, for the prayers and the encouraging words. i think i've been a bit of a basketcase here lately, but i'm grateful for those of you who've hung in there with me. seriously.

now...i've got to get some rest before the BIG day. unleash. tomorrow. bring it.

ramblings.

2007-03-13T11:48:00.000-05:00

i'm trying to sort through everything in my head right now, so this post might not make sense or very possibly could sound way overdramatic. just so you know.

at the moment, there is so much weighing on my heart and mind that it's hard to focus on any of it or get a firm grasp on things. being insanely busy, i think, can be a blessing and a curse. this past week, it's probably been a blessing more than anything. unleash happens in less than 2 days. it's gonna be incredible. i don't think any of us really understand exactly why God has chosen to pour Himself out through our church, but we're all pumped to share it with leaders from across the country. to make His name famous. that's the motivation...that's the goal.

my mom goes tomorrow afternoon to have a fairly serious procedure done at the hospital. stress test results last week seemed to indicate that she has some degree of blockage in her heart. we'll know more after they go in and check things out...but there's a good chance they'll put a stint in tomorrow and she'll be recovering for a little while. again, your prayers are appreciated.

it's times like these when friendships/relationships tend to snap clearly into focus. you realize how much the people who support and love you mean to you. and, sometimes, you realize how much the absence of others just hurts. ah, life. that's the way it goes.

i'm gonna stop now.

rest.

2007-03-11T21:50:00.000-05:00

so...i haven't been sleeping well. at all. for several reasons.

if you feel like praying for some good rest for me, that would be okay.

word.

2007-03-07T08:59:00.000-05:00

oswald does it once again. dang.

guard it.

2007-02-27T17:41:00.000-05:00

this post made me stop and think today.

i like it when that happens.

the phrase "guarding your heart" gets thrown around a lot in single-ville...but it's refreshing to see it applied in a totally new way.

hmmm...

2007-02-22T17:06:00.000-05:00

i haven't really said much lately, huh? yeah, i know. i do think of things to say...but the combination of no (working) computer at home right now and life just being generally busy has not lent itself to the blogging. meh.

here's some random for jooooo:
*march 27th. mark it. matt wertz, jon mclaughlin, and stephen kellogg @ the visulite in charlotte. woo. this little booty's gonna be there. someway. somehow.
*so, you know my puter's dead. i thought my ipod was dead too. it was sadness there for a few days. then it magically sprang back to life. on the 3rd day? i'm not sure...but it might have been. hokay.
*i have decided that i definitely have the greatest roomie in the known world. i'm sorry if you are someone's roomie and you're thinking i must be mistaken. i am not. lili is just pure awesome. you should know her. you would agree.
*american idol is the only (current) show i watch on television. think what you must of me...it's true. i mean, really, the dude from g-vegas sang a freakin' mutemath song the other night. goodness. and a few of the ladies straight laid it down last night. simon is my hero. carry on.
*life is good. really good. i know amazing people. i have incredible friends. jesus is real to me.
*i need to travel somewhere fantastic really soon. seriously. just see some beauty and enjoy breathing. note to self--must save money and make it happen.
*i think that's all for now. if you read this far, you must really love me or you must be super bored. i'm fine with either one.

"i'll make bar-b-q..."

2007-02-19T10:25:00.001-05:00

a little late, but still awesome. i needed some davey goodness this morning...thought you might too.

out of the way.

2007-02-15T13:26:00.000-05:00

i've been asking the Lord for a while to show me how to really trust Him. not to just say that i trust Him...i don't want to just pay lip service to something that isn't completely true of me. you know the line that can seem so cliche--"i'm just going to trust the Lord on this one"--i've found myself praying that i could say that about everything and truly, honestly mean it.

but more importantly, i've longed to be at the place where trusting Him with every single area of my life is joyful. where it doesn't feel like i'm necessarily sacrificing what i want for what He wants...i just want what He wants for me. you know what i mean?

well...i'm certainly not saying that i've got this trust thing all figured out. i have no doubt that life will have it's fair share of moments where i question Him, wonder what the heck He is doing, and just generally want what i want. but i must say that He has apparently done some major work on my heart in this area.

and i don't think i would be at this point if i hadn't had to go through the process of genuinely giving up something that means a ton to me. total surrender. and can i just tell you? it feels incredible. the peace that i feel about it has come as a bit of a surprise, i have to say...like He performed some major surgery on me while i wasn't even paying attention. and i really am down with whatever He brings out of it all. i want what He wants. i want the best for the people i love. i don't want my hopes/dreams/feelings to get in the way of what He's up to.

all of that to say...answered prayers come in all shapes and sizes. and sometimes--maybe most times--they don't come in the shape or size or way that we envision. He loves to surprise His kids. now that's good stuff.

(and now i'm off to karl's early b-day surprise extravaganza. it's going to be the greatest thing ever. for reals. pics to come i'm sure.)

three things to do.

2007-02-15T08:24:00.000-05:00

love never gives up.
love cares more for others than for self.
love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
love doesn't strut,
doesn't have a swelled head,
doesn't force itself on others,
isn't always "me first,"
doesn't fly off the handle,
doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
doesn't revel when others grovel,
takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
puts up with anything,
trusts God always,
always looks for the best,
never looks back,
but keeps going to the end.

we don't yet see things clearly. we're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. but it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! we'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

but for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

--1 cor. 13

from me to you. (in the db voice, if you know what i mean and can hear it in your head. if not, carry on.)

2007-02-05T16:36:00.000-05:00

i think i've been keeping something from you. but not on purpose, so don't get upset. actually--technically--i guess i've been keeping two things from you.

so...check 'em out. be encouraged. be challenged. be changed.

i know i have been.

love in the key of longbrake. read today's called rhythm. especially good.

to write with light.

i feel better now that that's out in the open.

this week...

2007-02-04T21:20:00.000-05:00

promises to be action-packed and awesome. and to that i say...bring it.

good times with special people, hopefully a resurrection of tuesday nights with the ladies, first wednesday, john mayer!, perhaps another show, and other goodness that i don't even know of yet i'm sure.

thank you, jesus, for friends. new friends. old friends. all of 'em. i am truly blessed.

oh and btw, my super duper little mac is sick. boooooo. so there may not be too much posting here for the next short while. but i'm gonna try. for reals.

(jt is sitting right beside me as i type this post. he really puts the periods on my sentences. hehe. that one's just for you, tanner.)

this is interesting.

2007-02-01T21:44:00.000-05:00

so, let me just go ahead and say that i enjoy nickelback. they're not my favoritest band (or style) in the world, but i can appreciate and dig on a lot of their music. far away is actually a song that i really, really love...to name one.

that said...i have to share this with you. i found the link randomly, and i have no idea about any other content on the site itself...but here you go.

love it. hate it. it's interesting.

and now my work is done.

it's tuesday.

2007-01-30T12:48:00.000-05:00

time for some randomness...

*mere and i went to see davey b. and the gabe dixon band on friday night in the atl. so good. we ate sushi at strip and then enjoyed the bouncy loveliness of some barnes tunes. i can't really explain how much i enjoy that kid's music...well, i probably can explain it--but then i would very possibly sound totally weird. at any rate, it was a great show. gabe dixon was mucho enjoyable as well. ever after you. check it.
*when i'm in the car, there is always music playing...whether it's the ipod, radio (on VERY rare occasions), or a cd...something is filling my ears with goodness. however, when i am driving to the spring on sunday mornings i like to just kinda be quiet, maybe pray, get ready for the day ahead. this past sunday, i found myself singing a bunch of old hymns out loud. one of the coolest times with jesus in recent memory. dang, we like to make it complicated...but it really doesn't have to be.
*the job is crazy busy right now, and that's just fine with me. it's exciting...like that feeling you get when you know that something's brewing.
*ever been in the middle of some question or struggle with God where you were waiting on an answer or even just for Him to speak...and then realized He already had? it's easy for me to become so focused on whatever the thing is that i'm dealing with that i don't even recognize that God has moved in me. that happened the other day. it was the coolest feeling--like all of a sudden the sun broke through the clouds. and i saw it once i took the time to look up.

so hi.

2007-01-28T21:26:00.000-05:00

it's been a while.

i know you're probably wondering what all the "i killed the blog" stuff was about...and that's okay. wonder is a beautiful thing.

rest assured that the time away was necessary and beneficial. i needed to take some breaths. live life. be messy. remind myself of some things i'd forgotten.

here's what i've got for you today...

"safe? of course He isn't safe. but He is good."
--c.s.lewis (the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe)

let that sink in for a minute. seriously, stop and think about the weight of those few sentences.

the reality of that statement has been resonating with me for the last few weeks. God is not safe. He has not promised me security, or ease, or a life free of risk and heartbreak.

but He is good.

whether His goodness brings me happiness or grief...He is still the same God who placed every single star in the night sky. He knows what He's doing.

resurrection.

2007-01-28T21:18:00.000-05:00

hmmmmm...

yeah, i thought this thing was dead too.

but i've found myself missing the blog a little bit and having some things to share.

what can i say?

let's try this again.

p.s. i've missed you people.

secrets.

2006-12-26T00:54:00.000-05:00

a wise friend bought me a journal for christmas...specifically (at least in part) to help prevent any future "oh crap, i wrote that on the blog, didn't i?!?" moments. and so, i think it's time to take her advice.

i'm actually sorta torn about the whole thing. not because i want to share too much. honestly, i think i've learned that lesson. (well, mostly...ha. i'm not gonna lie and say there aren't some things that i'm tempted to shout to the world...but that's not the point here, is it?) i think i feel a little torn moreso because it is cool to read back over posts from a year ago, even two years ago, and see how God has worked in my life. or see what things are just exactly the same as they were then. or see what stupid thing i said that i now kinda regret telling the world.

i don't think this self-imposed blog censorship means that i'm going to quit blogging altogether. we shall see. but it does mean there's a lot to me/my life that you won't be reading about on here. (and that's certainly not new, hopefully just to an even greater degree now.) maybe this explanation has been, in itself, too much information...but i felt the need to let you all in on this change, if for no other reason than to keep myself accountable to it.

so there you go.

(and i'm really just kidding about the secrets thing. i mean, it's about keeping personal things personal...right? you feeling me? whatev...it doesn't really matter either way.)

***
to end this thing, i thought i'd share a couple verses that are speaking to me. peace.

my dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. this is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. it's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. for God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves.
1 john 3:18-20
***

db (& gabe dixon).

2006-12-20T13:01:00.000-05:00

this makes me happy.

what's for awesome.

2006-12-18T09:44:00.000-05:00

go check out newspring's brand spankin' new website...here. (it has streaming video!)

hope.

2006-12-17T13:55:00.000-05:00

25 "to whom will you compare me?
or who is my equal?" says the Holy One.
26 lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.
27 why do you say, o jacob,
and complain, o israel,
"my way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?
28 do you not know?
have you not heard?
the LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
they will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
isaiah 40:25-31

yesterday.

2006-12-16T10:30:00.000-05:00

hokay...here's the lowdown on yesterday's belated birthday surprise adventure:

karl, rayray, and taguba came and picked me and lili up at 10am. (we missed you lanna!) breakfast (minis, anyone?) at the chick. then on to the interstate. all i knew was we were headed north. hmmmmm. different than usual, since it seems we always end up in the atl somehow. anyway, we were on the road for a while. heading up into the moutains (thankfully i didn't have to put the blindfold on until we got close to the final destination). after some questions about the directions and reassurances that we were on the right track...we got close. cue the blindfold (actually one of lili's scarf thingies). cue lots of talk by others in the car about cute things that i could not see. cue me almost falling asleep. cue the car seeming to get hot. cue me almost puking in the rodeo. alright, enough of the cue-ing...that's sorta annoying. so, we get to the gate of where we're going...the girls cover my ears and make noises so that the gate attendant person won't give away where we are. she plays along and talks about how much i will enjoy disneyland. well played, gate attendant lady...well played. we proceed through what seemed like 47 miles of even more windy roads until we finally come to a stop and begin to walk. yep, i'm still blindfolded. karl guided me to the point of "the reveal." (by the way, all of the highlights were captured either by photo or video...so that should be coming sometime.)

so...where were we you ask? the biltmore house. saweeeeet. i hadn't been there since high school. so beautiful. all decorated for christmas. we walked. we oohed. we ahhed. we ate in a stable...trough and all. we took some really fun pictures. we enjoyed various kinds of chocolatey goodness. we walked some more. we saw all 4 floors and the basement. we checked out the terrace. we saw the for real annie (minus the red hair. seriously people, it was incredible. i wish i could explain it). we took more crazy pictures. we saw a couple (which included a girl karl went to high school with) in this super romantic spot...apparently breaking up. ouch. then, of course, we stopped at starbucks. peppermint mochas and such...yum.

and then we hit the road again. i basically slept the whole way home. wow, so tired...all the birthday greatness this week sorta caught up with me. all in all, a totally spectacular (new favorite word!) day. i know the greatest people in the world. thanks again to all of you who made this birth(week) really grand. i heart you.

surprises!

2006-12-15T00:43:00.000-05:00

so, this birth(week) has just been full of surprises.

tonight, some beautiful friends took me to p.f. chang's for dinner. then we were heading back to angela's to watch a movie and eat cake...just chill. yeah. then we pulled up and i saw all the cars belonging to all of my most favorites. surprise! people been keeping secrets all over the place...i was totally clueless. for reals. and it was awesome.

tomorrow will be another day of surprises. more beautiful friends are blindfolding me and taking me to an undisclosed location. it's become a tradition for us...one that i haven't been on the receiving end of until now. woohoo! i have no idea what we're doing...all i've been told is what to wear and what time i'm being picked up.

thanks friends...for the love. the laughter. the cake (both kinds). the smores. the egg nog. the all the other stuff that's tasty and wonderful. the cards. the sweet presents. the great conversations. the hugs when needed. the hugs when not needed, just wanted. the new tunes. the surprises. the unending support. the incredible encouragement. but most of all, thank you in advance for the many amazing things to come. as long as i've got you people to share it with, i'm good.

new music.

2006-12-13T14:39:00.000-05:00

so, i got a $25 itunes gift card from a good friend...hit me up with some new music goodness. and make it pure awesomeness.

thanks.

because you're dying to know...

2006-12-13T09:40:00.000-05:00

yes, the b-day was spectacular.

seriously.

apostrophe's. (haha.)

2006-12-08T02:46:00.001-05:00

apostrophe
Originally uploaded by lbzy.

pet peeve revealed.

dave barnes christmas extravangan za

2006-12-06T21:33:00.001-05:00

police never die...and merry christmas to all.

(it's not working for some peeps on the blog, so go here for the greatness. you're welcome.)

b-day countdown...

2006-12-05T08:51:00.001-05:00

7 days.

i'm just sayin'.

is all.

whoa.

2006-12-02T21:20:00.000-05:00

i feel like this last week has been one super-undeserved blessing after another. it's been filled with amazing friends, gifts, and randomness. here are some highlights:

-i bought a new (to me) car. and it's saweeeeet. it was so cool to see how God worked out all the details...that may sound stupid. i mean, it's just a car. but seriously, He took care of me.
-i got to see marc broussard live in athens with some fantastic people. the man is a freak. for real. such soul and funk and other words like that. all i can really say is "jump on it..." ha. ha. ha.
-i spent some qt with the one and only mere this week. sushi...yum. and the jockey lot. (that would be on 2 separate occasions, just in case you were wondering.) oh, and ihop. and turkey. and carpenter's cellar, which leads to another blessing this week...
-tara leigh played last night in downtown g-vegas...we made it for most of her show and then got to spend hours chatting with her afterwards. you know you're having a spectacular time with people when it's 1am and you have no idea where the last 2 hours went.
-we got the most awesome parking spot in the whole world while in athens.
-somewhere amidst the broussard and cobble goodness, lee introduced me to the peppermint mocha from starbucks. usually i hate anything even remotely coffeeish, but i love this stuff. go. try it. and then thank lee.
-angela, kylie, and i had the special privilege of hearing the story (or beginning at least) of aretha and gregory fort dork. all you really need to know is that it involves care bears, unicorns, rainbows, and a man who grows hair opposite of everyone else. man, i love the "hey, you should tell us a story" experiences. they do not disappoint.
-did i mention i got a new car? yeah, i thought so. but did i tell you it has heated seats? perhaps the greatest invention ever.

truly, it's been a week full of great times with awesome people. that's what has made each day special and meaningful and grand. good music is always nice...pimped out cars make the road more fun...but it's the conversations, laughter, and pieces of life shared with people i love that has meant the world to me these last few days. as cliche as it may be...i can honestly say that i am a better person, that i see (and look for) Jesus more, and that my life is a million times sweeter because of the people He has placed around me. i am so thankful for friends who really want to know me and who really want me to know them. so thanks peeps...you know who you are.

random story.

2006-11-27T20:16:00.000-05:00

i don't know why...but it's my blog, so there you go.

when i was a kid i was totally crazy. never sat still. always on the go. seriously, ask my parents if i ever crawled. oh, no...not me. did i sit in a highchair? not so much. how about riding in a stroller? no way...in fact, they got rid of the stroller 'cause i would not sit still. (i know, those of you who know me are thinking "wow...really? but you're so laid-back and all now." it's kinda odd, i realize...but, nonetheless, totally true.) anyway, back to the story. i'm gonna give you all the details so you can fully comprehend what i'm about to tell you. other than being totally active and crazy, i was also blonde until about age 5. i had long blonde hair that my mom used to fix all pretty...rainbow barrettes, pigtails, pink rollers that i had to sleep in on saturday night so my hair was all fabulous the next day at church (preacher's daughters have to be fabulous like that--hahaha). okay, so...we all know that there is one day of the year when you have to look extra fabulous at church. fabulous new clothes--usually pastel. fabulous hair--i'm sure the rollers were in full effect. fabulous everything. hello easter. so, you've got me and my older brother all pimped out for this day. i think i was about 4 maybe...i don't actually remember this wonderful occasion...i've just heard the story enough times to get the good stuff. so, a 4-year-old me and my 8-year-old brother are chilling at the house with mom on easter sunday before church. i'm sure we'd done all the easter bunny goodness already. taken some photos in the new easter outifts. dad's the big guy at fbc and all...so he heads to church early to get himself all psyched up for the day when everyone comes to church (even people who never come to church). darren (that's the brother) and i are being awesome and saintly no doubt. he's probably reading a book or something, 'cause he was mr. sweet and quiet and bookwormish when he was young (really, we both have totally different personalities as adults--odd--but that's not the point). that's when i decided to make this particular easter one that my parents will never forget. i mean, if you're gonna be all dressed up...might as well make it worth it. right? good, i'm glad you agree. so, naturally, i did what all kids in my situation are dying to do. i marched my fabulous self outside and jumped into the plastic swimming pool in the backyard. seriously...can you think of a more awesome thing to do? i submit that you cannot. so there i am, in all my fabulousness...now totally soaking wet. i can't even imagine how ticked my mom was at that point. needless to say, dad got a call right about then to come home and help mom with the wacko daughter who just ruined her fabulous hair and easter dress (probably some white tights too).

there you have it. my random easter story. it makes me laugh.

2006-11-21T08:09:00.000-05:00

"never build your case for forgiveness on the idea that God is our Father and He will forgive us because He loves us. that contradicts the revealed truth of God in Jesus Christ. it makes the cross unnecessary, and the redemption "much ado about nothing." God forgives sin only because of the death of Christ...Jesus Christ hates the sin in people, and calvary is the measure of His hatred."
--oswald

ahhhhh.

2006-11-09T14:41:00.000-05:00

i will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
i will counsel you and watch over you.
do not be like the horse or the mule,
which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you.
psalm 32:8-9

maybe more later...but these verses caught me between the eyes today. just wanted to share.

goals.

2006-11-07T21:41:00.000-05:00

some things i'm really wanting to do (hopefully sooner rather than later)...

-buy a house. and decorate it...paint, paint, paint...make stuff. call it home. like for real home--not a rental.
-travel somewhere fantastic. it's been too long.
-paint something i really love.
-buy a new vehicle. the good ole mr2 has been good to me, but it's time to move on i'm afraid.
-go camping.
-see an amazing live show in a superhuge stadium or amphitheater.
-learn how to really love.
-conquer the art of snowboarding.
-go out on a hott date with a hott man. yeah, i said it.
-get wisdom. get understanding. (proverbs 4:5)
-spend more time with the people i love.
-figure out a way to use this writing thing.
-see africa...at least some part of it.
-read the word from front to back (or finish, i guess).
-play in the rain. yeah, i know...but i just wanna.

tonite.

2006-11-02T15:30:00.000-05:00

db at the handlebar. yesssssssssssssssssss.

help me out here...

2006-11-01T09:25:00.000-05:00

can someone explain to me when halloween became an excuse for girls (and by girls, i mean women in their 20s) to dress like prostitutes and feel justified?

honestly...i don't understand it. and i'm not trying to get on my soapbox and look down on anyone. but i've never seen so many scantily clad (christian) ladies in my life.

does the fact that it's a holiday cancel out the responsibility we have to our brothers in Christ?

just wondering.

baby chick nora

2006-10-25T08:42:00.000-05:00

baby chick nora
Originally uploaded by lbzy.

just a little something to get you in the halloween spirit (spirit...get it??? hahaha i am SO clever).

baby chick nora

2006-10-25T08:41:00.000-05:00

baby chick nora
Originally uploaded by lbzy.

smurfy.

2006-10-23T13:18:00.000-05:00

i'm not sure why i've felt the need to share my stupid moments lately...but i could certainly be sharing worse things, so here goes...

yesterday, i got a little concerned. i had noticed earlier in the day that my fingers were sorta blue. no big deal though. then i took a shower yesterday afternoon...and the water under my feet was turning blue. i had about a 30-second freak out, thinking that i had some kind of rare disease that turns people blue just before completely choking the life out of them...

then i realized i had been wearing my new pair of dark jeans that came with one of those labels. you know, the ones that say they are pigment-dyed and may rub off on lighter fabrics (or PEOPLE, apparently).

life is funny like that.

random.

2006-10-19T07:54:00.000-05:00

so, on the way to work this morning i saw something that made me laugh out loud. there was a pickup truck in front of me with a bumper sticker on the back...it read "christian coon hunter." um, what? hahaha. living in the south never fails to provide comic relief.

and also, the prestige comes out tomorrow. i'm excited. about time a good movie (hopefully) came out.

that's all. yayur.

a word.

2006-10-09T15:27:00.000-05:00

my dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. this is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. it's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. for God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves.
1 john 3:18-20

sweetness.

2006-10-03T09:29:00.000-05:00

sweetness
Originally uploaded by lbzy.

tailgating.

2006-09-28T16:08:00.000-05:00

i haven't been to a clemson game in a long time. and even when i did go...i never really tailgated and all. but we got hooked up with some tickets for saturday and we're doing it up right...i'm pumped.

i'm also hanging in clemson tonite with my favorite ladies. possibly seeing the girls play soccer (if the weather permits)...maybe watching some office.

it's almost like i'm back in college. okay, not really at all. but whatever.

favoritest favorites.

2006-09-27T14:03:00.000-05:00

tonite. shane and shane. au.

woohoo. color me excited.

whoa.

2006-09-25T12:45:00.000-05:00

yesterday...oh my goodness. i don't really know what to say about it. words can't do it justice.

what i do know is that God is MUCH bigger than i ever give Him credit for...and i've gotten to see Him do really amazing things...yet, He continually blows my mind.

214 new brothers and sisters in Christ. 214 lives changed for eternity. 214 reasons we do what we do every day at newspring.

more later...

sweet...

2006-09-22T23:12:00.000-05:00

nora is here for the weekend.

i'm basically planning to spoil her completely for the next day and a half.

woohoo.

i'm sure pictures will be forthcoming...if you care.

disconnected.

2006-09-13T11:55:00.000-05:00

so, we no longer have internet at the house...and soon we'll only have 3 tv channels. the decision came after realizing just how much time i was wasting every day doing nothing...seriously, nothing. okay, not always nothing. but usually nothing. at the very least, i was doing nothing productive. nothing that mattered. nothing that drew me closer to Jesus. not only was all that spare time not deepening my relationship with the only One who matters, i was allowing it to rob me of precious time in the Word and in prayer. totally ridiculous.

it was wierd at first. i'd gotten so used to checking im, blogs, myspace, etc. every morning first thing and every evening last thing...it felt odd not to do just that anymore. and i have to admit, that first night (when i wasn't sure if they'd cut it off yet or not), i tried to get online one last time. no go. and it was like that gentle voice reminder saying "i told you what to do. you were obedient. now let it go." okay, okay. got it.

funny, it's only been 2 days since i had the internet connection discontinued. and yet, even in that short amount of time, it's like there are 4 more hours in every day. amazing. it's so nice to wake up in the morning and look to Jesus instead of my pretty little mac. to wonder what He'll show me that day instead of what i might read on some stranger's blog. to invest time in the people around me instead of a face i see on a myspace profile (granted, most of these profiles belong to friends...but you get what i'm saying).

anyway...that's just where i am right now. everyone's different and this is certainly not a call for all "good people" to boycott the internet. wow...definitely not. i mean, i still use it every day at work. such an amazing tool. i'm just glad that i realized my need to simplify things. cutting out all the stuff that was overtaking my time has made me feel more connected than i have in a while.

sidenote--i've gotten to see some really great music live lately...dave barnes. lee and the crew. and there's more to come...~~kt tunstal~~l. shane and shane. mutemath. saweeeeeeet. one of the many things that makes my spare time feel meaningful and significant. ooohhhh oooohhhh...and go get john mayer's new cd. seriously. i just love his music more all the time. yes.

idk...

2006-09-07T01:50:00.000-05:00

why it's 2:49am and i'm still awake. but i'd like to go ahead and apologize to tugboat for not making it to spin class. it starts in approximately 3 hours and even if i went to bed right now, as i type, that would just be ludicrous. please don't hate me.

that's all. (other than life being amazing...truly.)

reflection.

2006-08-29T22:34:00.000-05:00

i just had an interesting/funny/honest conversation with someone who's been in (and sorta out of) my life for some time now. it was cool for several reasons...one being that it made me realize how nice it is to just care for someone. to work through whatever hurt or misunderstanding might have threatened to totally ruin the friendship...and get to the point where you can simply appreciate the other person for exactly who they are. no more, no less.

there's something so special about a shared history...it can never be taken away. no matter how much two people might change or grow...nothing can undo what has been done. and so you just thank God for the chance to have had that person in your life. to learn from them. to laugh with them. to find out more about you because of them. to share those funny stories that no one else would really get (with each other...not with others...you got me??? haha).

to dream. to cry. to love. to lose.

and then to be okay.

**this conversation also reminded me how much my life has changed in the past year. this time last year, i was preparing to leave here and head to cola. wow...incredible how much things change in a year. i'm thinking i'll devote a whole post to that topic soon...but for now, it's past my bedtime and i should at least try to get some sleep.

you should go download lee's new song. it's saweeeeet. and love on someone today...for no reason. maybe even someone you have every reason not to love on.

oh wow.

2006-08-27T21:03:00.000-05:00

i wore flops to church tonight. my army green ones.

or so i thought.

after i'd been home for about half an hour...kicked the flops off to hang out with some peeps and chat...fixed myself something to eat...talked and laughed...

walked back in the den and looked at the flops i had kicked off in the floor...

definitely wore two different (very different) flops to church. one army green from old navy. one black rainbow. and never even noticed.

wow. oh wow.

lots of random.

2006-08-24T21:48:00.000-05:00

you ready? okay...

*i have a guy friend who is totally giddy over a girl. it's really great to see.
*this week has been so much fun, so full of truth, so good in so many ways.
*i just got a sweet new phone. it's nice to know awesome people who can get you the hook up.
*life makes so much more sense when i don't try to make it make sense.
*i've had the chance this week to get a unique picture of how much our church loves the band, the music, and the worship at newspring. it's been very cool.
*even though i'm 27 years old, i still feel like a teenager in certain circumstances.
*i get to go somewhere extremely fun tomorrow...i would tell you, but it's a belated surprise for lanna's birthday.
*i REALLY want to go to africa. soon.
*i like my fingernails painted black. and i don't really care if you agree.

holding back.

2006-08-19T22:58:00.000-05:00

have you ever found yourself holding back? for whatever reason, you don't allow yourself to act or speak in a certain way. maybe you've decided that it's best for you to do so. maybe you think it's easier for others if you do so. maybe everything seems utterly complicated. maybe you're just a complete coward.

i've been thinking about that a lot lately. and i don't want to hold back anymore. i want to say what i feel. i want the people in my life to know how i feel about them. i don't want to wonder 10 years down the road what might've been different if i'd made my true feelings known. but, even more than that, i don't want to keep robbing those i care about of truly knowing me. we're not guaranteed tomorrow, so what's the use in worrying about that? but today...i can do something about today. i can start loving on people the way i want to love on them...without concern for how they'll love me in return. i can speak up when i wanna speak up...i'm not sure why i stopped doing that so much, but i don't like it. i can stop overanalyzing every single detail of life and just go about the business of living it.

honestly...who do i think i am? God?

because really, who decides who we are as people? who creates us uniquely and specifically for His purpose? who determines the steps of our lives? who designs us to love and care for others more than ourselves? yeah, you got it. He does. i have absolutely nothing to do with it (thank goodness). i know i would screw it up completely.

i say i trust Him. it's time to really live that out and stop pretending like i've got everything figured out. pretending is exhausting.

(if this post makes no sense or seems a little random...just go with it. i know what i mean, at least.)

**update--today at newspring,
lee led us in a song called all to you. one verse of the song says "i'm living my life for You. i'm giving everything to You. not holding back, but every part. i'm giving it all to You." not holding back...hmmmmmm. yeah, i got it Jesus. wow. i've not only been holding back with my peeps here on earth, but i've been holding back with You too. dang. i'm so thankful for moments like that that...moments that could easily be omitted, details that don't really have to be so amazing...but somehow the God of the universe cares so much for me that He orchestrates each second to show His love--even in the seemingly small things. just so good.

nora e.

2006-08-15T22:00:00.000-05:00

nora e
Originally uploaded by lbzy.

i think i might've mentioned it before...but dang, she's what's for awesome.

early (just 4 months) b-day present.

2006-08-04T22:29:00.000-05:00

come on, you know you wanna buy me one.

greatest t-shirt i've ever seen...or at least in the running.

vaca!

2006-07-24T09:47:00.001-05:00

so, i'm on vacation for the next 6 days. i had tentatively planned to head to the beach...but decided at the last minute to stay around here. the possibilities are endless...

as of right now, i have "plans" to sleep late if i want, clean, read a lot, paint it up, go to the pool and get some sun on this white body, hear some good music, talk to jesus, join the Y, get a tattoo, go to ATL, etc., etc. and by "plans" i mean "ideas of things that i would like to do but have not actually committed to doing at this point"...we shall see.

if you have any suggestions for things i must do/see/read/hear/experience over the next week...leave 'em.

nora and aunt lbzy

2006-07-22T23:21:00.000-05:00

nora and aunt lbzy
Originally uploaded by lbzy.

"you've got my only heart..."

to the mystery mower,

2006-06-20T08:12:00.000-05:00

thank you for cutting our grass yesterday.

you made two ladies smile (and wonder who the heck you are).

your kindness is much appreciated.

sincerely,

me.

ew.

2006-06-13T21:34:00.000-05:00

so...today, whitney (one of the coolest people i know) and i went to moe's for lunch.

on the way there, right in front of the mall, traffic got a little heavy. i looked at this car on the other side of the road...

and i couldn't believe what i saw. i pointed it out to whitney. and we both gasped.

this man was clipping his nose hairs. right there in traffic. in his rearview mirror.

i mean, seriously...we've all seen car nose pickers and car makeup appliers.

but car nose hair trimmers? ew.

what is this world coming to?

karl...

2006-05-22T06:25:00.000-05:00

i miss you.

(i see where someone in romania has checked the blog a few times.)

i'll catch you up on things. have no fear.

i love you.

1 month...

2006-05-17T22:39:00.000-05:00

and i almost posted tonight.

almost.

alright, so...

2006-04-17T21:17:00.000-05:00

yeah. i posted the one below and then took it off (for various reasons) and now i've decided to not be a scaredy little girl. i mean every word...so why not?

by the way--don't worry about what i'm talking about. don't ask about it. just read and enjoy...and perhaps get something out of it. i hope.

and, just so you know...i am taking a break from this blogging deal for a while (don't know how long). i just need some time.

love you all. mean it. thanks for playing. talk to you later.

have you ever?

2006-04-14T21:31:00.000-05:00

have you ever just known something? i don't mean you think maybe you know. or you hope you know. or if you had your way, then what you want to know would be what you really know.

i mean...you just know. something in your gut (holy spirit, maybe?) tells you so. and no matter what the present looks or feels like...you can see the future.

and it might not make sense. and people might not get it. and you might even look at the possibility and think it seems completely impossible. but somewhere down deep, you know it'll happen. there is peace. there is complete trust that God is in control. there's the knowledge that no matter how far off that thing (whatever it may be) is...He can bring it close. He will make it happen.

and it's gonna be sweet. but you gotta wait for it.

dang...that's the hard part. waiting. waiting with the assurance of something incredibly amazing at the end of this holding pattern. waiting with anticipation. waiting...just waiting...waiting on God to orchestrate all the moments exactly as He wishes them to be. not as you wish them to be, but as He wishes them to be. as He knows they should be.

that's where i am in one area of my life. and it's a very cool place to be in so many ways...but it can also be totally frustrating. because i don't like being patient. i want it now. but, as a good friend of mine once said "i just want my obedience to be joyful, not like a kid sitting in a corner pouting because he has to wait a while until his dad will let him play with his favorite toy."

God, help my waiting be joyful. help me savor all these days. help me love like you love.

so, i changed my hair.

2006-04-11T19:42:00.000-05:00

IMG_1537.JPG
Originally uploaded by l to tha b.

i'm still getting used to it. it's fun. for all you people who've been demanding (okay, asking nicely about) photos...i give you the new hair/crazy face set.

hope you enjoy it, because honestly i'm a little weirded out by all the taking pictures of myself, looking at pictures of myself, and showcasing pictures of myself...though i did sorta get used to it after a while.

newness.

2006-04-10T08:56:00.000-05:00

i'm going to see melody tonight.

you might know what that means...you might not.

i'm excited.

it's complicated.

2006-04-07T20:55:00.001-05:00

i'm not exactly sure why i can't seem to write anything on the blog these days. everything seems too personal for some reason...maybe a little too revealing. and actually, i think there are a lot of factors at play in the lack of posting.

for one, i was in sort of a weird place there for just a little bit. i won't go into it, but we'll just say i had a lot of emotions to sift through and a lot of soul searching to do. don't read into that, though...it wasn't anything to do with where i am, what i'm doing, etc., etc. life has been--in almost every single way--incredible lately. there's just this one issue that has affected my sense of worth and confidence in ridiculous ways. and i think i'm disgusted more at myself and how i LET things affect me than i am at what actually went down. but either way, i've been dealing with some crap on a personal level...and i'm a woman, so that has carried over into every part of my life. therefore, even though my life really has been amazing...i had a hard time for a while really, truly enjoying it. and so i didn't wanna blog. because seriously, who wants to read about that stuff?

secondly, i've just grown a little tired of the internet thing. and yet, i'm amazed at how i'll say that but still get online first thing in the morning and last thing at night. i heard someone talking one time about how backwards our generations are...we LONG for community--real, honest, life-changing relationships. we need hugs, accountability, and shared experiences. but we seek these things in large part over the internet, the phone, text messaging, etc. and many times we feel like we've found a community that way. BUT WE'RE STILL ALONE. we sit in our houses, miles (sometimes thousands of miles) from the people we consider to be friends. and i'm sure many of them are friends. but when we seek community in this way...why are we surprised when we're still lonely? i'm not trying to get in a debate over the validity of relationships built or maintained online--that's not my point. but personally, i've grown a bit weary of the whole thing. i don't want to feel connected to people by reading their blogs or whatever...i want to actually interact with them and share my life with them.

finally (and almost definitely most ridiculously), i think i've been hesitant to say anything of any substance lately almost out of spite. listen, i know there are a lot of people that read this thing for various reasons...some of whom i'm sure i don't know or seldom talk to. that's the nature of the deal and that is fine. but when i know for a fact that certain peeps check this thing pretty frequently--but will purposely not have anything much to do with me (for whatever reasons)--i get a little ticked. it's like i feel cheated. i get nothing...but they can still know about me and my life by reading this blog. i know it probably sounds crazy to most of you. that's okay. i'm just being honest.

so, now that i've said WAY more than i intended...i think i'll stop.

so...

2006-04-03T07:10:00.000-05:00

i haven't posted in quite some time. oh, well. i'm not gonna apologize.

but i will say you need to check these things out...

invisible children.

mutemath.(i think i'm going to see them again tonight, in cola. simply amazing.)

that's it for now.

i wanna be blind.

2006-03-16T12:11:00.000-05:00

so, most days when i'm driving to work i pass this man on the side of the road. my route to the office takes me straight down a main highway here in town...one that is 4 lanes wide most of the way, at spots even wider. it is a well-traveled road. a main thoroughfare through a-town. anyway, i see lots of people on the side of this road. walking. running. jogging. whatever...you get the picture.

but this man is different. he catches my eye every time. i always pause and think about just how cool it is to see him in the morning.

this man is blind.

he is led every day by a seeing-eye-dog. he crosses streets, navigates busy intersections, and stays out of harm's way on this popular, and at times dangerous, stretch of highway.

every time i see him i think about what it must feel like to not be able to see anything. to rely solely upon the guidance of an animal. to trust completely that he will not lead you into danger.

every morning i envy this blind man. his faith. his total trust. because really...i should be just like him. holding on to the leash tightly. following without any idea, any sight, any hint of what's to come. resting in the knowledge that the One who's leading me knows exactly what He is doing, where i need to go, and the best way to get me there.

unfortunately, it's usually the blindness that frustrates me the most. i want to know what's coming (and when). i want to brace myself, or get my hopes up, or impatiently count down the days until things happen like i want. i want to have my way...and i don't want to wait. i want to see the future.

but if i know what's coming...then i'm in charge, right? i mean, if i see a car crossing the road in front of me, i'm going to figure out the best way around it--stop and wait, try to make it, walk right out in front of it, etc., etc. i want to see because i want to decide what i think about what's up ahead and how i want to react to it.

if i would just rest and close my eyes...i would hear the horns off in the distance, the birds singing in the air, the sounds of life as i breathe in deeply. i'd feel the breeze blowing against my cheeks and the sun as it shines brightly on my skin. i would experience every other sensation like never before as i give up my need to see. and i'd be at peace, knowing that the One leading me does not need my help. He knows where He is taking me.

i wanna be blind.

things i'm thinking about:

2006-03-13T22:00:00.000-05:00

*taking a break from the blogging thing for a while...perhaps for good. (i'm not sure. i guess we'll see.)
*tha beach. end of july. house with spiral staircase. all my favorite people. good times.
*how i didn't intend for the last post to come across as negative about anyone, except maybe myself. it's the whole scenario that never works. that was the point. oh well...
*dyeing (that word really doesn't look right to me, but whatever) my hair blonde. totally crazy, i know. but i've been contemplating it for a while and i just can't come up with a good reason not to...other than the chance that it'll look completely and ridiculously horrible. i'm willing to risk that...i think. once again, i guess we'll see.
*my best friend karl and how much i love her. for reals.
*how nice it would be to have a washer and dryer at the house already. too many dirty clothes up in here.

dear self,

2006-03-12T22:20:00.000-05:00

let it go. it's done. move on.

it's not worth the time, attention, or hurt...honestly. it always ends. and it always ends badly. you deserve better.

and seriously, you want SO much more. stop selling yourself short.

you're really not asking too much to want an explanation and a chance to clear the air. but you obviously can't make that happen. you've made the effort...now you just forgive...and soon it'll be a memory that makes you go "what the heck was i thinking?"

God's gonna freakin' blow your mind if you'll stop thinking about what used to be, what could've been, what sorta almost kinda was...and allow yourself to dream again of what will be.

practice patience. wait for it. He's got you.

***"though it tarries, wait for it . . ." ( habakkuk 2:3 ). we cannot bring the vision to fulfillment through our own efforts, but must live under its inspiration until it fulfills itself. we try to be so practical that we forget the vision. at the very beginning we saw the vision but did not wait for it. we rushed off to do our practical work, and once the vision was fulfilled we could no longer even see it. waiting for a vision that "tarries" is the true test of our faithfulness to God. it is at the risk of our own soul’s welfare that we get caught up in practical busy-work, only to miss the fulfillment of the vision.***-oswald (a little out of context, maybe...but still truly powerful.)

(you need a reminder. a BIG one. this was the best one i could think of. exposing way too much, feeling a little stupid, hoping it makes you fully aware of just how ridiculous you've been lately...)

sincerely,
me

the cutest thing ever...

2006-03-11T14:08:00.000-05:00

the cutest thing ever...
Originally uploaded by l to tha b.

seriously, she is.

it's okay to admit it.

my niece, nora.

hello all...

2006-03-07T13:01:00.000-05:00

just a little something to satisfy your blog addiction.

things i'm learning/realizing/facing these days:

*none of us know what we're doing. some of us are just really good at faking it.
*we are a big bunch of over-analyzers. seriously. let's relax already, okay?
*my life cannot be lived by anyone but me. nobody else is going to answer for my decisions.
*if i'm hearing from God on things, then He's the one to listen to...no one else.
*i've got lots of "opportunities for improvement"...by that, of course, i mean that i am human. i'm screwed up. the sooner i recognize areas/traits/reactions that need work...the sooner i can make needed changes (or at least try).
*it's easy to let another take the blame when things go wrong...but in all honesty, it's often just as much my bad. admitting that and asking for forgiveness is an important step in not repeating the past.
*accepting situations for what they are just makes everyone happier. trying to talk myself (and others) into believing things are not what they so clearly are is just exhausting and pointless.
*i don't have to know everything. i don't have to get it. i just have to listen, and be obedient, and love Jesus.

mmmmmmm...that's so reassuring.

He is wide awake.

2006-03-01T21:48:00.000-05:00

i love for Him to whisper to me at times when i really need some comfort, some reassurance, some reminder that He is in complete control of every part of my life.

and those whispers seem to come most often during worship...just singing, clapping, doing a little dancing (!)...simply opening myself up to Him in a real, honest, vulnerable way. these are my most favorite times with Jesus. He had something to say to me tonight during the first wednesday service (which was just amazing, by the way)...

i lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
my help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip—
He who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, He who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

(psalm 121:1-4)

He is wide awake. He has not lost interest, or gotten bored, or forgotten about me (or you). He knows what He's doing.

that's enough for me.

b-ball and wisdom.

2006-02-27T22:06:00.000-05:00

so, i just got back from watching one of newspring's high school girl's basketball games. they made it to the semi-finals. karl is the coach. they have pink jerseys. (do t-shirts count as jerseys?)

anyway...it was fun to just yell and clap and cheer at the top of our lungs, even if the game was really not too close...though i briefly thought the pink princesses were gonna make a comeback.

the "best" part? (by "best," of course, i mean "most hilarious.") blaire bounces the ball back to a ref after it goes out of bounds or something. apparently it catches him at exactly the wrong place. he goes down...and stays down. the whole crowd tries not to crack up. the teams try not to crack up. lee is beside me barely keeping it in. we're all just about to lose it. and he stays down...until the other ref finally says we're gonna take a break for a minute. our bench was doing everything they could to keep it together.

i mean, who cares if you lose when greatness like that takes place?

in other news...i'm so grateful for wise people in my life who are not afraid to tell me what i don't want to hear. sometimes you just need others to get up in your space and make you really think about things. i was in a little bit of a funk, letting certain things just get to me...and the wonderful shay helped me gain some much needed perspective. i love the people i am surrounded by on a daily basis.

life is good.

2006-02-26T15:09:00.000-05:00

don't let the drama queen moments fool you.

okay? okay.

honestly, people...

2006-02-25T21:19:00.000-05:00

i've been sitting here for a while trying to come up with something that i can say on this thing.

it's just not happening.

the things i'm feeling and learning and working through at the moment need to be discussed with individuals, not with the internet.

sorry.

p.s. at least i'm trying, right?

p.p.s. karl, i feel like this post should make you happy. you know...since you can't find out what i'm thinking by reading the blog.

oh my! look at my birthday cube!

2006-02-23T08:59:00.000-05:00

oh my! look at my birthday cube!
Originally uploaded by l to tha b.

happy 24th birthday karl!!!!

i love you.

(there are a couple more photos of the birthday cube on the flickr page.)

still not a real post.

2006-02-22T22:18:00.000-05:00

(but something i just fell in love with...and wanted to share with you all.)

captivated

your laughter it echoes like a joyous thunder
your whisper it warms me like a summer breeze
your anger is fiercer than the sun in its splendour
you’re close and yet full of mystery
ever since the day that i saw your face
try as i may, i cannot look away, i cannot look away…

captivated by You
i am captivated by You
may my life be one unbroken gaze
fixed upon the beauty of your face

beholding is becoming, so as You fill my gaze
i become more like You and my heart is changed
beholding is becoming, so as You fill my view
transform me into the likeness of You
this is what i ask, for all my days
that i may, never look away, never look away…

no other could ever be as beautiful
no other could ever steal my heart away
i just can’t look away…

-vicky beeching

nope...

2006-02-22T08:59:00.000-05:00

i still haven't updated this thing yet. sorry. it's coming...promise.

right now...

2006-02-16T18:04:00.000-05:00

i need some quiet.

just me and Jesus. somewhere really cool. away from the noise of the people and places that i love so dearly.

possibly involving a paintbrush and some canvas.

(this weekend is gonna be specifically focused on this one thing. i'll let you know how it goes.)

the goal.

2006-02-15T09:32:00.000-05:00

watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. mostly what God does is love you. keep company with him and learn a life of love. observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. love like that.

ephesians 5:1-2 (message)

i wanna say something...

2006-02-13T17:24:00.000-05:00

(i know i use ... a lot. i'm okay with it.)

but i don't know what exactly.

so, let's just recap a little for those of you not close by. i've been at the new job a week. it's wonderful. i work with the best people in the world. work doesn't feel like work. i almost feel guilty getting paid to do what i do. church is incredible. God is moving in mighty ways all the time. yesterday was the first day of services in the new building and we had a little over 6,900 people there (including 1,000 kids). it was truly surreal. i found myself constantly just going--"i'm a part of this. i work here. this is incredible. i don't know why God chose me to be on this team...but i'm so grateful. i'm so blessed." the whole day. i can't really explain it. yes, i was sorta giddy. seeing God work in so many ways, and feeling like i'm even a tiny part of that, is just good.

anyway...i know that's about all i've said recently. but i'm excited! i can't help it. must be similar to being completely head over heels in love...you just can't stop talking about it.

speaking of the love thing...happy vd tomorrow. a special shout out to all my fellow single, hott friends. it's coming, people. we'll get ours. or something.

alright, i'm done. go make someone's day.

this place.

2006-02-09T18:33:00.000-05:00

so, i'm sitting in my cubicle at the new offices. in newspring's brand spankin' new facility. and it's just incredible. no other way to describe it.

i can't wait until sunday...to see all those people. all those kids. all those lives forever changed by Jesus.

this week has been awesome. i love my new job. all's right with the world.

(by the way...if you have my old cell phone number, it's no longer in service. email me or something if you want the new one.)

okay. love your faces.

just so you know...

2006-02-06T13:51:00.000-05:00

life is good.

(sorry about the lack of updates...that internet/cable thing that was supposed to happen on thursday?? yeah, not so much. but that's a story for another time.)

anderson is incredible. our house is great. it's just nice to be home. i can't really explain it...it's not so much the fact that i am physically in anderson. it's more that this new house, these people, my job, newspring, etc., etc just feels completely right. i know without any doubt that God brought me back here. it just fits. it's amazing.

i'm so blessed and all i can do is thank Him. life is sweet. i know i've sorta made that obvious, but i can't say it enough. i'm so grateful for everything in my life right now.

mostly i'm grateful for the ways that i have experienced Him lately...it's just been so sweet.

p.s. you should probably come see us at the new place...

today's the day.

2006-02-02T06:59:00.000-05:00

my last day of work here in cola. picking up the truck right after work. packing it full of my stuff with the help of awesome people. driving to a-town!! moving everything (from the truck and from storage) into the new place tomorrow. oh yes. who's excited?? well, i am...and i guess that's what really matters.

we're supposed to be getting internet service hooked up today at the new house...so, if all goes as planned i should be able to give you an update soon. but we'll see.

happy thursday.

so, it's my turn...

2006-01-31T19:11:00.000-05:00

to do this whole meme thing. what the heck does that word mean anyway?? meh. (and thanks lanna...i was starting to wonder if any one loved me enough to pass this deal on to me.)

four jobs I've had:

1. sales person at american eagle
2. nanny
3. preschool director
4. assistant to volunteer director (okay, so i haven't had this one yet, but it's coming very soon!)

four movies I can watch over and over:

1. the goonies
2. the notebook (say what you want)
3. how to lose a guy in 10 days
4. frequency

four places that I've lived:

1. mill valley, california
2. maryville, tn
3. columbia, sc
4. anderson, sc

four TV shows that I love:

1. american idol
2. felicity
3. law & order svu
4. that 70's show

four places I've vacationed:

1. hawaii
2. alaska
3. california
4. vermont

four of my favorite dishes:

1. mom's dressing with turkey
2. grilled chicken and vegetables (maybe a bit boring, but oh so good.)
3. crunchy rolls from tsunami (is that a dish??)
4. capri's lasagna

four sites I visit daily:

1. joshua
2. statcounter
3. my utmost for his highest
4. gmail

four places I would rather be right now:

1. in my warm bed, under the covers...lost in dreamland
2. in front of a roaring fire
3. swinging in a hammock (preferably on a tropical island with a little breeze)
4. hawaii

four bloggers I am tagging so that they will hate me:

1. juju
2. jt
3. jayfizz
4. angela

it's sunday night.

2006-01-29T19:11:00.000-05:00

i'm tired. it's been a long day.

i move back to anderson on thursday night. wow. so excited!!

somehow, i started watching the notebook while i was working on stuff. man i love that movie. "so it's not gonna be easy. it's gonna be really hard. we're gonna have to work at this every day, but i want to do that because i want you. i want all of you, forever, you and me, every day. will you do something for me, please? just picture your life for me...30 years from now, 40 years from now. what's it look like? if it's with him, go. go! i lost you once, i think i can do it again...if I thought that's what you really wanted. but don't you take the easy way out." that's what i call pursuit.

i'm in the mood to do something a little crazy...go somewhere new...just experience something totally exhilirating.

that's it for now.

funny things...

2006-01-26T11:28:00.000-05:00

that i have realized and/or experienced lately (at least i think they're funny):

*this new job at newspring will be the fourth different position i've held there. i guess i'm multitalented? (at least that's my reasoning.)
*the move back will be my fifth move in a year. ha. i don't even have the nerve to ask my friends for help again.
*i know people who have offered to "take out" anyone who gives me grief about all the changes. i'm not sure how i feel about that.
*there are all kinds of old friends/acquaintances/friends of friends who read this thing. i had no idea.
*american idol is just as fun at the beginning with all the crappy singers as it is at the end when only the good ones are left (maybe a little more fun, actually).
*i've gotten really used to tivo in the last three weeks. it's gonna be hard not to have it at the new place...so maybe that'll have to be in the budget. we'll see.
*i have become a long emailer. not sure when it happened, but i've caught the disease. i'm trying to work on it.

umm...yes. exactly.

2006-01-25T16:03:00.000-05:00

the most dangerous place to be in the universe is the center of God’s will.
that is where we want to be.
i hope we never think we’ve nailed it.
i hope we never believe that we have arrived.
i hope it is always dangerous.
always chaotic.
always flying by the seat of our pants.
never settled.
messy.
i hope the struggles keep us begging God for guidance.
i often hear christian leaders tell what God has been saying to them in their times of meditation and study and prayer and i'm often amazed.
he tells them the most profound, eloquent things.
all I seem to ever hear is: "rob, get out of my way."
rob bell—the younger evangelicals

a week ago right now...

2006-01-25T10:01:00.000-05:00

i was posting some verses that included this line--the person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him.

and i had no idea what God was arranging for me at that very moment, and had been arranging for quite some time. but i'm embracing it and holding on tight.

and in just over one more week...i'll be in anderson once again. working with the volunteers at my amazing church. living in a really great house with lili (and yes, it has plenty of room for the foosball table). just enjoying it all.

on another note...on my way to work today (running almost late since i stayed up too late once again), i passed this plasma donation place. i pass it everyday, but today it caught my attention. you've heard about this deal right? sorta like giving blood, except you can do it more regularly and they pay you like $50 each time or something. when i drove by today at about 15 'til 8am...there was a line outside. a line of what looked like homeless, hungry people. waiting to donate their plasma. to get a little money. to survive.

it broke my heart.

yes, dave barnes...

2006-01-23T21:21:00.000-05:00

you've done it again. you've ended your cd of pure musical goodness with a song that will become THE wedding song of the year. at least you've got a new one to choose from every weekend this summer, mcd.

go buy the album.
you won't be disappointed.

alright, here we go...

2006-01-21T22:59:00.000-05:00

the news. (even though most of you who read this thing already know it.)

i'm moving back to anderson to be the assistant to the volunteer director at newspring church. i'm ridiculously excited about the opportunity to once again be a part of newspring. and i'm even more excited because i've heard God's voice clearly and i know i'm following His leading.

now, let me explain how this all happened...

first, let me say that my decision to move back has absolutely nothing to do with midtown or anything negative there. midtown is a very cool church, striving to change lives in cola. the people are incredible and i love them all dearly. they've been amazing to know and learn from these last several months. i really believe that God wants to use midtown to impact columbia and beyond.

three weeks ago when i was back in a-town for new year's, i heard God speak to me in a way that i haven't experienced too many times...and what i heard Him say was that if He ever led me back to newspring, it would be awesome and i'd be right where He wanted me. i didn't know what that meant. was He calling me back now? did it mean that He might in the future? what was i supposed to do with that information? it weighed heavily on my mind and my heart. i wanted so badly to figure it all out. it was a confusing time because i felt i'd been led to columbia and now i was sensing God preparing me to be back in anderson. so, after a couple weeks of wrestling with all the questions that sprang up from this encounter...i just gave it all up. my prayer became "God, i don't know what you want. i don't know what you're saying. i know what i heard, but i'm not sure what that means. so, it's up to you. the last thing i heard definitely was to move to cola. so i'm gonna keep doing this thing until you tell me clearly otherwise. and when i say clearly, i mean that you've got make it 100% obvious that you want me back at newspring. i don't want my feelings/emotions/whatever to get in the way...you work it out."

after offering up that prayer for about a week...i got a phone call completely out of the blue. shay from newspring calling to offer me the position. i almost dropped the phone. COMPLETE shock. and excitement. and joy.

of course it's bittersweet to be leaving the midtown peeps. but it's just the greatest feeling in the world to know i'm simply going where God wants me.

it's funny to look back over the posts from the last few weeks. so obvious how God was working on me. the quote about questions? um, yeah. talking about how awesome newspring was? yep. had no idea then that i was about to be heading back there. there really are so many cool things like that involved in this whole journey. i would tell you all of them...but it would be quite long and not nearly as fun as telling you personally. so, you should call me if you want the full details.

and that's it. now you know. i'll basically be back in a-town for good in two weeks. start the job the week before the first service in the new building. living with lili once again in a yet-to-be-determined location (that has room for a foosball table). loving life. thankful for chances to see so incredibly how God orchestrates all things in His timing. it's SWEET.

let's play a little guessing game.

2006-01-20T08:21:00.000-05:00

while you wait on the actual news that i've got to share...i thought it might be interesting to have some interaction. (and usually this doesn't work--so i'm not holding my breath.)

if you'd like to venture a guess as to what the BIG NEWS thing means...then you should do so in the comments here. if you KNOW what the news is, don't give it away just yet--maybe y'all could just come up with really creative guesses to throw everyone else off.

1, 2, 3...go.

so...

2006-01-19T14:36:00.000-05:00

there are a couple more necessary conversations that i need to have before i can share the BIG NEWS with all of you.

wait for it.

and really, i'm trying to get some work done here...but i can't go five minutes without stopping and having a little semi-freak out over just how ridiculously God has shown Himself to me recently.

dang.

wow.

2006-01-19T00:03:00.000-05:00

just wow.

i don't know what else to say really.

well...other than GOD IS BIG. AND AMAZING. AND FULL OF SURPRISES.

thank you, Lord for answering my prayer.

(i'll be seeing a lot more of some of you really soon.)

a word from this am.

2006-01-18T10:15:00.000-05:00

the person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you. habakkuk had it right: "the person who believes God, is set right by God--and that's the real life."
galatians 3:11b (the message)

there's a lot on my mind.

2006-01-17T22:39:00.000-05:00

that's why i haven't had much to say. makes sense, huh?

i guess what i really mean is that most of the stuff on my mind needs to stay there--not here. if i tried to explain it all to you, you'd just accuse me of being vague...so, i'm saving us both the hassle.

here's what i will share:

the last few weeks have been wild. i'm not sure where they went or how i got to now...but obviously, time has not been standing still. boston, new orleans, and moving to a new house in cola all took place in quick succession. i'm sure you're tired of me saying that there's not enough time in the day anymore ('cause i'm pretty sick of hearing myself say it), but it's never been more true. i literally have something to do every night this week (and did last week too) and work to do most of the weekend. i'm beginning to feel like i'm just waking up every day and doing this thing without really enjoying any of it. there's too much to do, too many places to be, too many thoughts running through my head to actually slow down and savor the moments. that's gotta stop. i don't know how exactly, but it can't continue much longer. and yes, i wake up every morning and ask God to help me to make the most of the day--each little opportunity...but i typically end every day thinking about all the things i WANTED to do but didn't have the time/energy/ability to make happen and all the things i HAD to do that i really didn't care anything about. where's the balance between finding a way to make the most of where God has you and doing whatever it takes to put yourself in the place where you can live your dreams? personally, i don't want to live a life filled with days that are merely lived...i want to live in such a way that i am overjoyed every night by the realization that my day was full of passion and purpose.

maybe i'm making this whole idea sound a little dramatic--my life is not horrible. and i know God puts us in places for seasons. i guess i'm just ready for the seasons to change.

anyway...

i am still working on the new orleans pics and all (see above for explanation of why i'm so behind). everyone in america should go to that place. it'll change you.

this past weekend was so nice. mcd show on friday. a nice dinner followed by toasting marshmallows in the fireplace and making smores on saturday. lots of hugs and kisses from jordy bug and some newspring on sunday. by the way...just in case you somehow aren't aware--God is at work in anderson-in ridiculous ways-through newspring church. i am so excited about the all the things that are coming in the future. i don't know what people may think about my leaving newspring to come to cola...but i'd just like to say that i can't wait to see what God is going to do there. newspring is an amazing church--an amazing family--and i believe that God is going to use that church to change the world. in fact, i'd say He's already doing so. to all you newspring peeps who read this thing (and i know there are a few of you)--i love you. i'm praying for you all. i know God's doing incredible things through you. my heart is with you.

i'm so...

2006-01-17T08:54:00.000-05:00

alive. promise.

not much to say right now, but there is one thing you should know...

i just pre-ordered dave barnes' new album. comes out in a week. yum. new website coming soon too. (he shall cease to be called davey now that he's a married man. or something.)

hopefully i'll have some time to post later today. but i sorta doubt it.

working on it.

2006-01-11T08:22:00.000-05:00

the new orleans recap (complete with organized photos with descriptions) is coming soon. i took a ton of pictures, so it's taking some time to get them all ready for you.

(never mind the fact that i just moved to the new place and am trying to get settled in an all. or the fact that there is something every night that takes me away from the house. BUSY.)

i can't wait to tell you all about the trip. so many amazing stories. so much desperation and need. so many incredible people serving their neighbors.