so...God is really teaching me a lot these days. all of it comes back to learning how to trust Him. really trust Him...not just saying "oh, i know God's gonna work this out" or "His will is going to be done no matter what"...but actually believing those statements enough to act upon them. to give all of my hopes, dreams, and expectations to Him. to trust that He is the only one who knows my future and His opinion is the only one that matters.

i can be so quick to seek the counsel of my friends. i have wonderful, wise, and loving friends...and i am so thankful for them. but i think for the last little while i have replaced talking to My Lord about my struggles and desires with talking to my friends. and that is just so wrong.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James 1:5

that's a promise. if we ask Him for wisdom, and believe that He will supply it (the next verse deals with that) then we won't be disappointed. i can't understand His ways...i don't know why things happen as they do...and i can only see tiny glimpses of how His huge, incredible plan is working out to perfection. but He will be generous with wisdom if i will only ask Him.

God, i am asking for it.

and i know this spurgeon devo is a little long, but it's worth the read...says exactly what i can't put into words very well.

"Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee."—Psalm 55:22.
Care, even though exercised upon legitimate objects, if carried to excess, has in it the nature of sin. The precept to avoid anxious care is earnestly inculcated by our Saviour, again and again; it is reiterated by the apostles; and it is one which cannot be neglected without involving transgression: for the very essence of anxious care is the imagining that we are wiser than God, and the thrusting ourselves into His place to do for Him that which He has undertaken to do for us. We attempt to think of that which we fancy He will forget; we labour to take upon ourselves our weary burden, as if He were unable or unwilling to take it for us. Now this disobedience to His plain precept, this unbelief in His Word, this presumption in intruding upon His province, is all sinful. Yet more than this, anxious care often leads to acts of sin. He who cannot calmly leave his affairs in God's hand, but will carry his own burden, is very likely to be tempted to use wrong means to help himself. This sin leads to a forsaking of God as our counsellor, and resorting instead to human wisdom. This is going to the "broken cistern" instead of to the "fountain;" a sin which was laid against Israel of old. Anxiety makes us doubt God's lovingkindness, and thus our love to Him grows cold; we feel mistrust, and thus grieve the Spirit of God, so that our prayers become hindered, our consistent example marred, and our life one of self-seeking. Thus want of confidence in God leads us to wander far from Him; but if through simple faith in His promise, we cast each burden as it comes upon Him, and are "careful for nothing" because He undertakes to care for us, it will keep us close to Him, and strengthen us against much temptation. "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusteth in Thee."
-C. H. Spurgeon