do you ever wonder?
Monday, July 26 at 9:51 PM

so, i'm staying at my parents house (dogsitting for the week)...typing this blog entry on a semi-fancy computer that sits on top of a great old desk that my grandfather hand-crafted.  it's so sad that i really don't remember him.  only a few fuzzy memories remain...and they may be mostly the result of hearing those stories repeatedly.  i want to remember.  i want to be able to see a clear picture of grandpa, on the ranch in california, picking some oranges or pushing us on the rope swing in the barn.   i can almost see the time i tagged along when he took dad and darren  squirrel hunting.  (squirrel hunting?  oh, yeah...)  even though the details have become a little blurry, i know that the picture of me would be entirely different if my grandpa had not been such an amazing man.

that thought brings me back to all the questions that have been dancing around in my head tonight.  i'll share them with you.  

do you ever wonder...
what you are really here for?
why you are so blessed?
why he can't open up to you?
if God is disappointed in you?
how life would be if you lived in a third-world country?
how you're going to know?
what relationships would look like if we were really real?
how He loves you?
what love really means?
if life is really not that complicated?
what you would be like if your parents were totally different people?
what you will be most proud of when you are old?
what you are supposed to be doing?
when you are going to finally learn?
what people think of you?
how things went from Father Knows Best to The Osbournes?
if we have missed the point entirely?
how someone can not believe?
what you will pass on to the next generation?
how your life will change over the next five years?
what makes you truly happy?
what's stopping you?

i know the answers to some of these questions.  others are a little more difficult.  but i've realized that it's okay not to have all the answers.  i'm not God.  i don't know everything.  i don't need to know everything.  and actually, i don't want to know everything.  but i believe it's healthy to's in the questioning that i begin to grasp just how magnificent He is.