Monday, December 6 at 6:01 PM

this post could be a bad idea. and even knowing that, i am still writing. oh, well...i just feel like sharing.

you might be wondering why i feel like this entry could be ugly. well, i'm in one of those moods. ladies, you probably feel me. men, you've no doubt seen it in action at some point. i'm just all emotional. and sorta whiny 'cause i don't feel so good. and not really feeling like my usual self. it's annoying. and so...all those things may result in me saying more than i normally would. just so you know.

i haven't been blogging much lately (no surprise there, i know). not sure why. i just haven't had much to say. life has been happening. relationships have grown...either closer or more distant. i've realized how much certain people mean to me. i have been reading some good stuff. work has been exciting and fun and fulfilling.

and yet it seems like i'm waiting on something else. someone else. and i'm really pretty sick of that feeling. as natural as i believe it is for single people to want to sit around and talk about relationships (or lack thereof), i am just so tired of it. *note--if you do this (and who am i kidding?--we all do), please don't take offense at what i'm saying. i'm not making any sort of statement about anyone but myself...and i've already explained about the whole "say more than i really mean" thing--so just disregard this whole issue if it bothers you.* i don't want to talk about being single anymore. i don't want to try and figure out what/who i think i want or need...or how i think it should happen. and i don't want other people to tell me what or who they think would be good for me--because it is not in my hands. and when most everyone who talks to me says the same thing...what am i supposed to do about that? nothing.

i am supposed to do nothing. and when the situation/time/person is right...i still won't have to do anything. i know who is in control of my future. He has not changed. He knows what's best and He will do whatever He needs to in my life in order to bring Himself glory. I take comfort in that.

i'm sure there will be more times like these--when the desire for a companion...for someone to share my hopes and my fears with...for someone to take care of me and for me to take care of... for someone to just hold me and not say a word...is almost overwhelming. but i am determined to never forget that an earthly relationship is not what it's about. it will surely make life sweeter when it comes, but it is not the goal. all i want to do is know Him.