let it go. it's done. move on.

it's not worth the time, attention, or hurt...honestly. it always ends. and it always ends badly. you deserve better.

and seriously, you want SO much more. stop selling yourself short.

you're really not asking too much to want an explanation and a chance to clear the air. but you obviously can't make that happen. you've made the effort...now you just forgive...and soon it'll be a memory that makes you go "what the heck was i thinking?"

God's gonna freakin' blow your mind if you'll stop thinking about what used to be, what could've been, what sorta almost kinda was...and allow yourself to dream again of what will be.

practice patience. wait for it. He's got you.

***"though it tarries, wait for it . . ." ( habakkuk 2:3 ). we cannot bring the vision to fulfillment through our own efforts, but must live under its inspiration until it fulfills itself. we try to be so practical that we forget the vision. at the very beginning we saw the vision but did not wait for it. we rushed off to do our practical work, and once the vision was fulfilled we could no longer even see it. waiting for a vision that "tarries" is the true test of our faithfulness to God. it is at the risk of our own soul’s welfare that we get caught up in practical busy-work, only to miss the fulfillment of the vision.***-oswald (a little out of context, maybe...but still truly powerful.)

(you need a reminder. a BIG one. this was the best one i could think of. exposing way too much, feeling a little stupid, hoping it makes you fully aware of just how ridiculous you've been lately...)

sincerely,
me