i've been asking the Lord for a while to show me how to really trust Him. not to just say that i trust Him...i don't want to just pay lip service to something that isn't completely true of me. you know the line that can seem so cliche--"i'm just going to trust the Lord on this one"--i've found myself praying that i could say that about everything and truly, honestly mean it.

but more importantly, i've longed to be at the place where trusting Him with every single area of my life is joyful. where it doesn't feel like i'm necessarily sacrificing what i want for what He wants...i just want what He wants for me. you know what i mean?

well...i'm certainly not saying that i've got this trust thing all figured out. i have no doubt that life will have it's fair share of moments where i question Him, wonder what the heck He is doing, and just generally want what i want. but i must say that He has apparently done some major work on my heart in this area.

and i don't think i would be at this point if i hadn't had to go through the process of genuinely giving up something that means a ton to me. total surrender. and can i just tell you? it feels incredible. the peace that i feel about it has come as a bit of a surprise, i have to say...like He performed some major surgery on me while i wasn't even paying attention. and i really am down with whatever He brings out of it all. i want what He wants. i want the best for the people i love. i don't want my hopes/dreams/feelings to get in the way of what He's up to.

all of that to say...answered prayers come in all shapes and sizes. and sometimes--maybe most times--they don't come in the shape or size or way that we envision. He loves to surprise His kids. now that's good stuff.

(and now i'm off to karl's early b-day surprise extravaganza. it's going to be the greatest thing ever. for reals. pics to come i'm sure.)