"i'm ready to be on the other side of all this drama, looking back...and just seeing all the ways that He showed himself faithful. but i'm not there yet, so be patient with me." (March 11, 2005)

so i'm there now...

thanks for being patient. i know it's been a little while since i've written anything of substance on here. but sometimes you just wanna enjoy the moments you're in without shouting them to the world...you know? it's fun to treat special times like some sort of secret that you get to share only when you want to. and there have been some truly special times recently.

it's interesting that i talked about seeing the ways God would show Himself faithful. i had no idea just how incredibly that one word would impact my life and the lives of those i care about...wow. just wow.

it's such an amazing feeling to sit back and see many of the ways that He used everything over the last little while for good. all the stuff that was so difficult, that i would never have chosen for myself...those things happened for important reasons. reasons that i, of course, could not comprehend at the time. but He knew all along...and His ways are most definitely higher than my ways.

it's just so sweet to be exactly where i know God wants me. not to say that i am perfect or i've got everything figured out...but i see Him at work all around me, in every area of my life. and that is just so exciting. i can't wait to see how He will blow my mind next.

life is good. really good.

seems to make everything in life a little sweeter, a little more full of hope and promise. i'm lovin' the weather and the extra hours of daylight in the evenings. i can't wait to spend some time out under the stars...just thinking and praying and breathing in the goodness that is all around me.

there's been a lot happening lately in life...

lili and i moved into a super cute little house a couple of weeks ago...an oldie with lots of charm, hardwood floors, etc. it's nice. far superior to apartment living.

dad is home!! (and yes i used two exclamation points...mock if you must, but i think it's deserving.) he was released from the rehabilitation place saturday, so now he is resting and trying to let his body completely heal. he really is doing incredibly well. it feels good to be able to say that.

we took the youth group on a road rules spring break trip that was awesome. charlotte, gatlinburg, and atlanta...full of great bonding time for everyone, gross inferno challenges, and of course, drama. most middle schoolers are full of drama, especially the girls. but we were all there once...and i know i was somewhat of a drama queen. it's going to be so amazing in a few years to see what kind of people these kids grow into.

speaking of the youth trip...i rode my first (and second, third, fourth) roller coaster on saturday. i'm really not sure why i had never experienced them before. guess i was just a little wimpy girl in middle school and high school when we would go every summer with my youth group. my initiation into the world of roller coastery was the superman ride. it was awesome! 26 years was too long to miss out on such goodness...i'm ready to go back and ride all the ones that were closed when we were there (what's up with that anyway?? if six flags is open, the rides should be open. but, whatever). i think batman was my favorite.

i'm ready for a vacation. i don't really care where i go...i just want to totally relax in some sunshine and be near water. hopefully we'll get some definite plans made soon.

i've got a lot of questions running around in my head these days. most of them have to do with relationships, marriage, blah, blah, blah. i know, i'm just as tired of all that talk as everyone else. and i am very aware that i'm never gonna figure things out. that's fine with me. but i do have a couple of questions that i would love to get some feedback on...or not. it's really completely in your hands.

• how much of love (or being in love) is a choice? i've talked to some really wise married folks who tell me that you have to continually choose to love your spouse. but there are obviously other factors that contribute to loving a person...you don't want it to just be a matter of choice. i'm just curious when you say "this is the choice i've made and i'm sticking with it" and when you say "well, you're great and all, but this just isn't it?" (and i'm talking about before marriage, during the dating thing...although these days i suppose some people approach the marriage relationship in the same way.)
• which is more important in a relationship: being with someone who makes your knees weak and your stomach all butterflyish, who seems totally out of your league, and who you find ridiculously attractive OR being with someone who you feel completely comfortable around, who makes you laugh at yourself, and with whom friendship is the foundation?? (obviously, some sort of combination of the two would be ideal. but, just for argument's sake, let's say that is not possible.)
  

i know there is no real answer to these questions...i just think it's good to think about such things sometimes. and i'd love to hear your input. (DISCLAIMER: neither of these questions directly relates to any particular situation...they've really come about in response to lots of observations and experiences over the last several years of living in single-people world.)

if you're around clemson tonight you should go see the chris brown band play their last gig at clemson fca...it's gonna be good. of course.


When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul