i'm back.

we played scrabble last night. and ate birthday cake ice cream. yum.

today i woke up with i'll make love to you by boyz II men stuck in my head. what? yeah.

i'm tired.

i'm getting ready to go to the wedding of a good friend from college. i thought it was at two o'clock...but i checked the invitation and it definitely said three. so, i'm hanging out in my dressy clothes, wasting time on the internet.

while i was getting ready earlier, i listened to some jude's remedy. i mean, this friend and i used to rock out to the cd all the time...i figured it was only fitting.

tonight...a little party for one of the greatest kids on the planet. it promises to be fun.

that's all.

yeah. life is crazy busy right now. don't expect much posting for a while...or you'll be disappointed. don't you just hate it when your expectations aren't met? me too. consider yourself warned...of course, with the way i've been posting recently, you shouldn't expect too much. but anyway...

here's what's up in my world

• Survivor camp happens the next two weeks (if you don't know what this is...you're missing out. incredible youth camp at Lake Lanier. on houseboats. with ridiculously creative challenges. lots of sun. amazing music by the chris brown band. Jesus. stinkpickles. etc., etc., etc.
• i have a few classes and some other requirements left to finish up my master's degree...so i'm starting back this summer. classes again. wow.
• i feel like i've been in a weird place recently. can't really explain it here...just a lot on the mind these days. so much to learn. growth isn't always easy and painless. in fact i think it's often quite difficult. but good.
  
• i talk about things being difficult...but i have no idea. isaac certainly does. such an extraordinary little dude and family. it breaks my heart to read about the pain he's in.

that's about it.

oh yeah...

you wish your mohawk was as awesome as jaden's.

- showing extreme urgency or intensity especially because of great need or desire.

i've found myself claiming that i am desperate for God lately...or at least that i want to be. but i think i'm a liar. i'm just not desperate. and i don't know how to make myself be desperate.

i saw a man the other day who was desperate. i was in greenville to run some errands and there he was...on the side of the road. with a little cardboard sign that read "homeless. anything helps. God bless."

that is extreme urgency and intensity...he had a great need. something brought him to the point where he woke up that morning and decided that his best plan for the day would be to stand by the side of the road with that sign. i'd call that desperation.

seeing that man on saturday affected me. i've seen people similar to him many times before. but it hit me with him. so humble...so completely detached from any ounce of pride...just in need. in need of anything. anything would help.

and i have to say...he made me uncomfortable. i wanted to help him but i was also scared. i, like pretty much everyone around me, tried to find some way to avoid eye contact with this man. i felt so sorry for him...my heart went out to him...but i did nothing because i wasn't sure how safe it would be. someone that desperate just creeped me out a little.

but i want to be that desperate. for Jesus. i want to get rid of every trace of myself, my pride, my vain conceit. all i want to want is Him. i want to wake up every morning and hold my little cardboard sign out to Him saying, "anything helps." 'cause i believe that's all he truly requires...desperate people who are not afraid of looking weird or making others uncomfortable. a life that is completely devoid of self. i'm sure i'll never get there...but i want to get as close as possible. i want to live a life of extreme urgency and intensity because of my need and desire for Jesus.