this one's gonna be all over the place.
Friday, December 10 at 1:48 PM

i hate blogger right now. that's right...hate it. it has not been playing nicely today. i'll try to get over it soon.

we're going to see something corporate in january. so good live. excited.

karl is doing way better. woohoo!

musical goodness is in the very near future...yummy.

my appreciation for john mayer continues to grow at an alarming rate. i don't know what it is exactly...i just love his music. especially the room for squares cd. have you ever noticed that one line from my stupid mouth is in the background on your body is a wonderland? it's the small things like that. his music feels like a soundtrack to my life (a bit cliche, i realize...but somehow fairly accurate). last night i happened to catch part of his new tv show. he's just funny. the kind of funny we enjoy around here.

it's time to bid farewell to the 18-25 year-old category. two more days and my youth will be gone forever. or something.

it finally happened yesterday. i kid you not. you're never gong to believe it. i had to go to wal-mart for some christmas stuff...while i was in there i realized that i was going to have to use their bathroom. ick. now, i am not tlc-like when it comes to germs, but i don't necessarily welcome the chance to use the wal-mart potty. anyway...i go in. i tear off the little sections of toilet paper and put them down on the seat to keep the cootie transfer to a minumum. i do what i went in there to do. i leave and continue shopping for a little, i'm over on the picture frame/mirror aisle when i walk by a full-length mirror and something catches my eye. yep. one of those sections of tp that i put down to cover the seat--tucked into the back of my pants...waving in the wind (okay, so there wasn't any wind. but still). so funny i wanted to call my friends and tell them. and the saddest part is that i had been walking around the store for at least five or ten minutes like that...and no one bothered to point it out. that's just wrong. maybe i'll take my chances with the cooties next time.

i'm having some trouble with the whole christmas shopping deal. everyone on my list is either ridiculously hard to buy for or ridiculously easy to buy for (meaning i have lots of ideas of things to buy and it's hard to narrow them down). but have no fear, i'll figure it out...soon, hopefully.

i feel like there was something else i was gonna tell you...but it has left me.

Monday, December 6 at 6:01 PM

this post could be a bad idea. and even knowing that, i am still writing. oh, well...i just feel like sharing.

you might be wondering why i feel like this entry could be ugly. well, i'm in one of those moods. ladies, you probably feel me. men, you've no doubt seen it in action at some point. i'm just all emotional. and sorta whiny 'cause i don't feel so good. and not really feeling like my usual self. it's annoying. and so...all those things may result in me saying more than i normally would. just so you know.

i haven't been blogging much lately (no surprise there, i know). not sure why. i just haven't had much to say. life has been happening. relationships have grown...either closer or more distant. i've realized how much certain people mean to me. i have been reading some good stuff. work has been exciting and fun and fulfilling.

and yet it seems like i'm waiting on something else. someone else. and i'm really pretty sick of that feeling. as natural as i believe it is for single people to want to sit around and talk about relationships (or lack thereof), i am just so tired of it. *note--if you do this (and who am i kidding?--we all do), please don't take offense at what i'm saying. i'm not making any sort of statement about anyone but myself...and i've already explained about the whole "say more than i really mean" thing--so just disregard this whole issue if it bothers you.* i don't want to talk about being single anymore. i don't want to try and figure out what/who i think i want or need...or how i think it should happen. and i don't want other people to tell me what or who they think would be good for me--because it is not in my hands. and when most everyone who talks to me says the same thing...what am i supposed to do about that? nothing.

i am supposed to do nothing. and when the situation/time/person is right...i still won't have to do anything. i know who is in control of my future. He has not changed. He knows what's best and He will do whatever He needs to in my life in order to bring Himself glory. I take comfort in that.

i'm sure there will be more times like these--when the desire for a companion...for someone to share my hopes and my fears with...for someone to take care of me and for me to take care of... for someone to just hold me and not say a almost overwhelming. but i am determined to never forget that an earthly relationship is not what it's about. it will surely make life sweeter when it comes, but it is not the goal. all i want to do is know Him.