yeah. i posted the one below and then took it off (for various reasons) and now i've decided to not be a scaredy little girl. i mean every word...so why not?

by the way--don't worry about what i'm talking about. don't ask about it. just read and enjoy...and perhaps get something out of it. i hope.

and, just so you know...i am taking a break from this blogging deal for a while (don't know how long). i just need some time.

love you all. mean it. thanks for playing. talk to you later.

have you ever just known something? i don't mean you think maybe you know. or you hope you know. or if you had your way, then what you want to know would be what you really know.

i mean...you just know. something in your gut (holy spirit, maybe?) tells you so. and no matter what the present looks or feels like...you can see the future.

and it might not make sense. and people might not get it. and you might even look at the possibility and think it seems completely impossible. but somewhere down deep, you know it'll happen. there is peace. there is complete trust that God is in control. there's the knowledge that no matter how far off that thing (whatever it may be) is...He can bring it close. He will make it happen.

and it's gonna be sweet. but you gotta wait for it.

dang...that's the hard part. waiting. waiting with the assurance of something incredibly amazing at the end of this holding pattern. waiting with anticipation. waiting...just waiting...waiting on God to orchestrate all the moments exactly as He wishes them to be. not as you wish them to be, but as He wishes them to be. as He knows they should be.

that's where i am in one area of my life. and it's a very cool place to be in so many ways...but it can also be totally frustrating. because i don't like being patient. i want it now. but, as a good friend of mine once said "i just want my obedience to be joyful, not like a kid sitting in a corner pouting because he has to wait a while until his dad will let him play with his favorite toy."

God, help my waiting be joyful. help me savor all these days. help me love like you love.

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Originally uploaded by l to tha b.

i'm still getting used to it. it's fun. for all you people who've been demanding (okay, asking nicely about) photos...i give you the new hair/crazy face set.

hope you enjoy it, because honestly i'm a little weirded out by all the taking pictures of myself, looking at pictures of myself, and showcasing pictures of myself...though i did sorta get used to it after a while.

i'm going to see melody tonight.

you might know what that means...you might not.

i'm excited.

i'm not exactly sure why i can't seem to write anything on the blog these days. everything seems too personal for some reason...maybe a little too revealing. and actually, i think there are a lot of factors at play in the lack of posting.

for one, i was in sort of a weird place there for just a little bit. i won't go into it, but we'll just say i had a lot of emotions to sift through and a lot of soul searching to do. don't read into that, though...it wasn't anything to do with where i am, what i'm doing, etc., etc. life has been--in almost every single way--incredible lately. there's just this one issue that has affected my sense of worth and confidence in ridiculous ways. and i think i'm disgusted more at myself and how i LET things affect me than i am at what actually went down. but either way, i've been dealing with some crap on a personal level...and i'm a woman, so that has carried over into every part of my life. therefore, even though my life really has been amazing...i had a hard time for a while really, truly enjoying it. and so i didn't wanna blog. because seriously, who wants to read about that stuff?

secondly, i've just grown a little tired of the internet thing. and yet, i'm amazed at how i'll say that but still get online first thing in the morning and last thing at night. i heard someone talking one time about how backwards our generations are...we LONG for community--real, honest, life-changing relationships. we need hugs, accountability, and shared experiences. but we seek these things in large part over the internet, the phone, text messaging, etc. and many times we feel like we've found a community that way. BUT WE'RE STILL ALONE. we sit in our houses, miles (sometimes thousands of miles) from the people we consider to be friends. and i'm sure many of them are friends. but when we seek community in this way...why are we surprised when we're still lonely? i'm not trying to get in a debate over the validity of relationships built or maintained online--that's not my point. but personally, i've grown a bit weary of the whole thing. i don't want to feel connected to people by reading their blogs or whatever...i want to actually interact with them and share my life with them.

finally (and almost definitely most ridiculously), i think i've been hesitant to say anything of any substance lately almost out of spite. listen, i know there are a lot of people that read this thing for various reasons...some of whom i'm sure i don't know or seldom talk to. that's the nature of the deal and that is fine. but when i know for a fact that certain peeps check this thing pretty frequently--but will purposely not have anything much to do with me (for whatever reasons)--i get a little ticked. it's like i feel cheated. i get nothing...but they can still know about me and my life by reading this blog. i know it probably sounds crazy to most of you. that's okay. i'm just being honest.

so, now that i've said WAY more than i intended...i think i'll stop.

i haven't posted in quite some time. oh, well. i'm not gonna apologize.

but i will say you need to check these things out...

invisible children.

mutemath.(i think i'm going to see them again tonight, in cola. simply amazing.)

that's it for now.