i just had an interesting/funny/honest conversation with someone who's been in (and sorta out of) my life for some time now. it was cool for several reasons...one being that it made me realize how nice it is to just care for someone. to work through whatever hurt or misunderstanding might have threatened to totally ruin the friendship...and get to the point where you can simply appreciate the other person for exactly who they are. no more, no less.

there's something so special about a shared history...it can never be taken away. no matter how much two people might change or grow...nothing can undo what has been done. and so you just thank God for the chance to have had that person in your life. to learn from them. to laugh with them. to find out more about you because of them. to share those funny stories that no one else would really get (with each other...not with others...you got me??? haha).

to dream. to cry. to love. to lose.

and then to be okay.


**this conversation also reminded me how much my life has changed in the past year. this time last year, i was preparing to leave here and head to cola. wow...incredible how much things change in a year. i'm thinking i'll devote a whole post to that topic soon...but for now, it's past my bedtime and i should at least try to get some sleep.

you should go download lee's new song. it's saweeeeet. and love on someone today...for no reason. maybe even someone you have every reason not to love on.

i wore flops to church tonight. my army green ones.

or so i thought.

after i'd been home for about half an hour...kicked the flops off to hang out with some peeps and chat...fixed myself something to eat...talked and laughed...

walked back in the den and looked at the flops i had kicked off in the floor...

definitely wore two different (very different) flops to church. one army green from old navy. one black rainbow. and never even noticed.

wow. oh wow.

you ready? okay...

*i have a guy friend who is totally giddy over a girl. it's really great to see.
*this week has been so much fun, so full of truth, so good in so many ways.
*i just got a sweet new phone. it's nice to know awesome people who can get you the hook up.
*life makes so much more sense when i don't try to make it make sense.
*i've had the chance this week to get a unique picture of how much our church loves the band, the music, and the worship at newspring. it's been very cool.
*even though i'm 27 years old, i still feel like a teenager in certain circumstances.
*i get to go somewhere extremely fun tomorrow...i would tell you, but it's a belated surprise for lanna's birthday.
*i REALLY want to go to africa. soon.
*i like my fingernails painted black. and i don't really care if you agree.

have you ever found yourself holding back? for whatever reason, you don't allow yourself to act or speak in a certain way. maybe you've decided that it's best for you to do so. maybe you think it's easier for others if you do so. maybe everything seems utterly complicated. maybe you're just a complete coward.

i've been thinking about that a lot lately. and i don't want to hold back anymore. i want to say what i feel. i want the people in my life to know how i feel about them. i don't want to wonder 10 years down the road what might've been different if i'd made my true feelings known. but, even more than that, i don't want to keep robbing those i care about of truly knowing me. we're not guaranteed tomorrow, so what's the use in worrying about that? but today...i can do something about today. i can start loving on people the way i want to love on them...without concern for how they'll love me in return. i can speak up when i wanna speak up...i'm not sure why i stopped doing that so much, but i don't like it. i can stop overanalyzing every single detail of life and just go about the business of living it.

honestly...who do i think i am? God?

because really, who decides who we are as people? who creates us uniquely and specifically for His purpose? who determines the steps of our lives? who designs us to love and care for others more than ourselves? yeah, you got it. He does. i have absolutely nothing to do with it (thank goodness). i know i would screw it up completely.

i say i trust Him. it's time to really live that out and stop pretending like i've got everything figured out. pretending is exhausting.

(if this post makes no sense or seems a little random...just go with it. i know what i mean, at least.)

**update--today at newspring,
lee led us in a song called all to you. one verse of the song says "i'm living my life for You. i'm giving everything to You. not holding back, but every part. i'm giving it all to You." not holding back...hmmmmmm. yeah, i got it Jesus. wow. i've not only been holding back with my peeps here on earth, but i've been holding back with You too. dang. i'm so thankful for moments like that that...moments that could easily be omitted, details that don't really have to be so amazing...but somehow the God of the universe cares so much for me that He orchestrates each second to show His love--even in the seemingly small things. just so good.

nora e
Originally uploaded by lbzy.

i think i might've mentioned it before...but dang, she's what's for awesome.

come on, you know you wanna buy me one.


greatest t-shirt i've ever seen...or at least in the running.