so...things have been quite wonderful lately. complicated in some respects, but still really good. i have awesome friends. i get to attend and work for a growing, amazing church. and i am learning a lot. (there's too much other cool stuff to mention...it would be the longest post ever.)

for those of you who don't know, new spring is in the middle of a capital campaign to raise the money for phase 1 of our building program. God has had his hand on every aspect of this church from the very beginning. it is so exciting to be a part of this incredible work of God!

one major part of the capital campaign consists of several dinners for people in the church. they come and eat, listen to perry cast the vision for the future, and ask any questions that they may have about the plans. i've been to a few of these parties already, so i've heard perry's "talk" several times. however, last night he made one statement that i had not heard or thought of before. he was talking about the baptism area in the new building...and how we would be able to see so many people baptized in that spot in the future. friends. people we had invited to church. family. children.

children. it's funny that i hadn't really thought of this already, since having kids is such a huge part of what i know i was designed to do. my children will grow up going to new spring (unless, of course, God moves us somewhere else). wow. i was distracted by this thought for the rest of the time perry was talking...seeing my kids be baptized? oh my freakin' goodness. really, that excites me more than just about anything else i can imagine (other than the whole marriage thing). good stuff...i just wanted to share.

me, karl, and shua are heading to nashvegas tonight...lots of fun times ahead. we're gonna see mayer (with dj logic and maroon 5) tomorrow night. the concert is really just an excuse to take a road trip, i think. staying at grandma's. seeing some very cool peeps. lots of fun conversation, i'm sure. mayer had better sing comfortable and/or st. patrick's day...that's all i'm sayin'.

i just signed up for audioblogger so we can do audio posts from the road. that sounds like great fun, right? i think so. we'll see how it goes...

on a completely unrelated note...have you ever just had a truly incredible dream? you know, one that made you smile just thinking about it. one that didn't make you wonder why you dreamed what you dreamed. even though you woke up and realized that it was only a dream...it didn't matter, because the happiness you felt remembering it was much greater than the disappointment that came with that realization. that's a nice feeling.

have you ever just longed for life to be less complicated?

that is where i am right now.

and i know that life, by its very nature, is gonna be complicated. it just seems to be excessively so these days...like every thought, feeling, and action is carrying twice as much weight as normal. and there are 15 different angles to consider in every situation. even posting on this blog is complicated.

as a result, i find myself yearning for some way to simplify. only i'm not sure how to make that happen...(other than giving it up to God-which i am trying to do.) it's the struggle to discern what practical steps to take that is causing the frustration.

but i have no doubt that through all of this, He is making me more like Christ...a simple, yet sometimes seemingly complicated, process.

i saw jonny karate and his sidekick, gizzard, at ingles last night. it was the highlight of my month.

i never said shua was passive. maybe just scared a little bit. but that theory has now been sufficiently refuted.

i have been ridiculously self-centered lately...and it has caused me to be a crappy friend to people who deserve so much better. sorry.

being brought fun size snickers (seems like that should be snickerses or something) and kit kats makes me so happy. i have such great peeps.

i like to use italics to emphasize my points.

my hands smell like onions. majorly. no matter how many times i wash them, they still smell. i guess that's what i get for making myself some chicken fajitas last night. oh, well.

hey, for those of you dying to know what i ended up doing last night (i know it kept you up all night)...i did in fact go to the gym. and i did in fact feel better afterwards. yay for not letting myself be lazy. of course, i also managed to fit in cookies and milk at shua's with the crew (while watching the jt video)...so it was quite an enjoyable evening.

i'm tired. i don't feel well. i just want to go home and do nothing...maybe have some cookies and milk. but i'm supposed to go to a class at the gym at 5:30. hmmm. i wonder which voice will win out...the one that says "you need to go to the gym. even if you don't feel like it. it might just make you feel better." or the one telling me "oh, just give yourself a break. you don't feel well. you need rest. it's ok." maybe the voices can come to some sort of compromise. we'll see.

this has been the longest day ever. okay, so that's a bit dramatic...but it has gone by super-slowly.

lately i've found myself fighting against the sometimes subtle, but always debilitating lie that i am not enough. you know, not whatever enough...smart enough. pretty enough. good enough. skinny enough. nice enough. Godly enough. cool enough.

and wow...allowing yourself to even entertain those kinds of thoughts will mess you up completely. make you question everything. make you doubt everyone (especially yourself). bring out emotions that never would have surfaced otherwise. put you on the defensive. generally just turn you into an emotional, hypersensitive mess...and place your focus completely on yourself and your own shortcomings. which, obviously, means your focus is not on Christ. or His incredible love and concern for you. or His unspeakable grace. or His desire to use you for His purposes.

God, never let me believe those lies again for even a second. May my confidence and worth come only from you. you are the only one that matters.

"from heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind; from His dwelling place He watches all who live on earth--He who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do."
Psalm 33:13-15

just a few off the top of my head...

pictures.
kids.
popping that bubble wrap stuff (i just got to pop a whole bunch of it).
time with friends.
hugs.
cards for no reason.
helping people.
laughing.
community.
5 pm on friday.

freakin' goodness. this chick's pictures are absolutely amazing. check out the archives (the color photos are my personal favorites)...and bask in the beauty. (the black and whites are also incredible.) wow...just wow.

so, lately i've been dealing with/thinking a lot about the whole heart-mind-emotions thing (which you might have picked up on). i've thought about it. i've prayed about it. i've talked to my friends about it. and i (we) keep coming back to one major question...when do you follow your emotions and when do you ignore them?

because really...emotions must be there for some specific reason. and trying to convince myself that i don't actually feel the way i know i feel is tiring me out. but we've all been through situations where we acted on emotions...and later came to regret those actions. i've certainly experienced times when i did not act on (show) my emotions and then later wished more than anything that i had. in light of all that...how the heck are we ever supposed to figure out when to trust our emotions?

seriously, people...i would love to have some feedback on this topic. that's what the comments section is for. (and let's just discuss with the assumption that said situation has been prayed about and given over to God...but it's still confusing.)

i know i keep playing the "there's so much on my mind...but i'm not tellin' you" card. and i am sorry. but it is, in fact, the truth. maybe later. or never. we'll see...

in other news...if you haven't seen them already, go check out the winning photos from shua's public goatee humiliation contest. oh yeah, we won. all it took was a little middle finger madness. yes, those are faces on our birdies...and to think, there was a time when i was totally offended by the bird.

also, i think we should all boycott mcd until he starts a website full of his photo goodness. just an idea.

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them."
Thomas Merton

i want to love like that.

thanks to mcd, i get to share the funness with you all...i heart tube socks. 

i can't think of anything to write about...

i guess i'll just ramble about uninteresting stuff that is really not of any importance whatsoever.

here goes...

i bought some tube socks yesterday on my lunch break. thanks to anna g., i found a five pack of fun ones at the mall. of course, they are a little small/short for me. apparently, i am larger/taller than the average girl who wears tube socks...'cause these come up to about mid-calf. they need to be at least two or three inches higher to really be perfect. but that fact didn't stop me from sporting them last night. it made me happy...i wish i could show you some pictures of the tubes, but i don't have one of those dandy little digital camera guys yet. in time, in time. (i think this blog will be much more interesting when i can post photos regularly. but, anyway...)


when i got back to the office after buying the socks yesterday, i had a package! i gasped (karl-style) when i saw it and realized the contents had to be the two robbie seay cds i had ordered. it was a doubly-exciting lunch hour, i must say. (and of course, i was sporting one pair of the tubes with my "professional" skirt at the time that i opened my cd goodness. i couldn't wait to try 'em.) so much new, good music lately...i love it.

i am looking forward to some yoga tonight...and then some dinner...and perhaps the notebook again. yes, i think i'm gonna have to see it for the third time in the theater. i'm just feeling a strong urge for some romance. and, i mean, if i can't get it in my own life right now...might as well see it on the big screen.

also, i'm gonna do the tattoo thing soon. i don't know if i've shared that with you before, but i've been wanting one for a couple of years...the same one. so i'm fairly certain i won't decide i hate it as soon as it's done. i may get inked while we're in nashvegas for the mayer show. that's what i'm thinking.

oh yeah...emily cox paid a surprise visit to the nscc offices this week. it was very nice to actually meet the (in)famous ecox in person. and of course, she is just as cool as lee had described...it'll be fun to have her close to us. now she is no longer this imaginary person we all talk about. she's a real girl.

and finally, i realized something today. i was thinking about dating/relationships/marriage, etc. (hence the urge to see the notebook)...and what it will really look like when i am married. i was trying to imagine how i would be in that role-- in a relationship. and i have absolutely no idea. the last time i was in a "serious" relationship was freshman year of college...that was 7 years ago for those of you who might not know how old i really am (tube socks, and all). and that relationship was most definitely not grounded in Christ. i can't even fathom what it's gonna be like when that time comes for me...i just know it's gonna be good.

so, i'm feeling the need to get a few things off my chest. please fight the urge to mock those things which you might not understand...

1. i spent at least 15 minutes in walmart last night searching for tube socks. you know...the kind that come up to your knees and have different colors around the top. the ones that everybody had in the 80's. i've been trying to find some for about 7 years (way before 80's stuff was cool again). no, really. one day i will be shopping somewhere and turn the corner...and there they will be, in all their greatness. it will happen. and it will make me quite happy indeed.

2. i hate walmart. with a passion. but i swallowed my hatred in the name of savings.

3. i bought the ashlee simpson cd. i don't care what you say...

4. i have some sort of weird aversion to umbrellas. not sure why...i just don't like 'em. for instance, when i arrived at wally world last night i had to run through a monsoon to get to the door. i had an umbrella in the car (only because i thought i might seriously need one for the scavenger hunt deal on friday). did i use it? oh, heck no. i ran. i got soaked...my jeans were wet up to the knees and i was freezing in my tank top. but somehow that seemed better than pulling out the umbrella, opening it, and carrying it around with me. whatever.

brief weekend recap:

friday--home group scavenger hunt/amazing race greatness. i'm pretty sure everyone involved loved the game. karl did an incredible job planning and executing the funness. i even think the non-winners who moaned about stacks (def. 4c) enjoyed themselves. now all of us clue-keepers are hoping someone else plans one for us to compete in. highlights of the evening: the buussss and mellow mushroom pizza. it was as delicious as i had hoped.

saturday--lunch with shua, karl, and lanna. then on to a free (it's good to know people who work at the theater) showing of the village. now, you have probably heard mixed reviews. the four of us all really dug the movie. i really enjoy shyamalan because he makes you think. go and decide for yourself. later, a new favorite t-shirt find at goodwill and then baptism. new spring baptized around 75 people in an above-ground portable pool at AC. dang. He is good. a little hanging with the crew and then it was time to get ready for sunday. ooohhh, and i also snuck over to the parents' house and ordered some old and new robbie seay goodness. i can hardly wait for that little package to arrive. highlight of the day: jordybug and ry playing in the pool as the water was rushing out.

sunday--new spring. incredible sermon and awesome music, as always. teaching 4 year-olds about the sabbath. lounging at the pool for a couple of hours...where jake showed us all up in the slide-and-stay-on-top-of-the-gator game. "no hands!" back to new spring for our new fourth service and more funness with preschoolers. then, over to the beaty house for a terrific dinner. karl, lanna, and i had to steal away for a little while to take our last-minute public goatee humiliation photos. hahahahaha...that's all i can say. part of our plan was foiled because shua's house is locked tighter than, um, some place that is locked up really tight. but i think we still had some quality entries. after some cookies and milk, off to bed...highlights of this day: listening to a bunch of 4 year-olds trying to say the word commandments, time with amazing friends, rocking and singing peyton to sleep.

in other news: i have definitely talked myself out of an ipod. they are great little gadgets, (and i enjoyed shua's at the pool yesterday) but i don't need one. i listen to music all day long and in the car. i need some quiet now and then. and i know, especially after borrowing shua's ipod goodness yesterday, that i would be tempted to have those little buds in my ears at all times. so, alas...it shall not be. (unfortunately, now i am pining after a digital camera. thanks a lot, mcd...) what is it about stuff that is so appealing?

God is teaching me how to truly give myself over to Him. whatever i'm thinking, feeling, wanting...i'm just trying to give it all up to Him to sort out. i don't have to figure out how i feel or what i want to happen...all i have to do is love Him, know Him, and trust Him.