what to tell you all today. lots on the mind and heart. nothing that i need to share with the world.

i think it's just one of those days...where you don't feel so good, and stuff that you're really pretty good with manages to creep back up and get you all flustered, and you just don't want to care about certain things that you do, in fact, care about. those days just come. today is one of them for me.

i thought i was going to be able to resist it. i wasn't going to let myself get pulled into the madness. i vowed to stay away, letting all the nerds enjoy their bonding time.

but, alas...LOST has me in its grip. (though i've still got to go back and watch most of the first season to really get it all.)

i tried to be strong. but some battles just aren't worth fighting.



on a totally unrelated note, i have a toothache. it's gradually getting worse and it sucks.

if you've been looking for the perfect way to tell that special girl how you feel, i give you this for inspiration.

she won't be able to resist.

you can thank me later.

was fun. good to see the friends and the folks. GREAT sushi at tsunami in g-vegas...if you've never been, you should go. if you think you don't like sushi--wait until you've tried it there. it's that good. nice little atmosphere too.

sunday night at midtown was really exciting. we had an incredible group of people show up to do service around the city. my group went to a women's shelter and helped out with some newsletters. i can't wait to go back and spend more time with the ladies there. i know i've said this several times already, but i just can't express enough how awesome it is to be a part of this thing. columbia is in desperate need and i truly believe that Jesus is about to make His presence known here like never before.

on a personal note, i got a sort of gut check on sunday afternoon as i was heading back to cola. God seems to speak most clearly to me when i'm driving in the car, radio off, just talking to Him and being quiet enough to hear what He's saying. i must look really funny driving down the interstate apparently talking to no one, often getting emotional or using my hands to make my points...oh well. anyway, He has a ridiculously amazing way of reminding me what really matters. i can get so caught up in life and what i want out of it that i forget to ask Him what He wants. things seem complicated, maybe confusing...but then He very simply tells me to just let Him have it. He's the one who knows what He's doing. i certainly do not. there were several situations in my life where i needed to recapture an eternal perspective--quit worrying about the details that seem so important right now and focus on the bigger picture. and can i just tell you? it has been so wonderful to rest in Him.

by the way, one of the areas He really changed my thinking on was the whole job deal. i don't need a full-time job. i need a part-time job so that i can eat and stuff, but that's all. i don't have any expenses really, since He hooked me up with a free place to live. i'm here in cola to do this midtown thing and that is the focus. so, if you've been praying for a job for me (thanks!), just change that prayer to a part-time job that keeps my evenings and weekends pretty free.

love you all. love the new design of the blog (thanks again 'nooga man). love not knowing what's coming tomorrow.

finally, a pretty site for me. thanks shua, for being awesome and all.

shua is working on a pretty new design for this blog as i type...wait for it.

it's gonna be awesome.

with a friend who apparently had a mouse in his house. i got the play-by-play as the roomie cried like a girl and said things about mouses jumping and other nonsense.

it was freakin' hilarious.

so, i'm going to anderson for the weekend. i'm so excited to see the amazing people i get to call my friends! they really have become like family to me and i've been missing them like mad.

tomorrow i'm spending the day with them...i have no idea what we're doing. i just know i'm showing up and we're hanging out. it's nice to just know that the day will be incredible simply because of the company i'll be keeping. it doesn't even matter what we do.

i love that we have the sort of friendships that can just be picked up where they were left off. we don't have to talk every day. they don't have to send me 12 cards a week and cry about how life is not the same. i know that they love me. i hope they all know how much i love them. how does that song go? friends are friends forever...(you know you liked some michael w. back in the day. don't try to act like you're too cool.)

that's all i got tonight.

*i got my first parking ticket in cola yesterday. what's funny is that the thought never even crossed my mind to put money in the meter. i'm usually downtown at night and you don't have to worry about those things. but i guess $7 is not too bad...except when you're unemployed.
*the internet is weird. you can know so much about someone (at least what they choose to share) through a blog or whatever without ever having met them. odd.
*i'm a really easy-going person. it takes a lot to make me upset. the thing that never fails to upset me is being lied to. i honestly cannot think of any situation where lying or keeping something from someone seems like the best alternative. it might be the easiest, safest way to go...but it usually creates more hurt than the truth ever would have.
*i'm coming to a-town this weekend. it's gonna be so good to see everyone and hang out. i love my friends.
*i just don't get that stuff they put on cds. you know, the tape-like stuff with the pull thing that is ridiculously hard to get completely off. i mean, you've already opened the outside package...why do they have to put that stuff on there?
*there are 1 billion people in the world who survive on less than $1 a day. yeah, try to let that sink in.

i'm still wide awake. i haven't gone to bed yet and it's almost 6am. i tried, but was unsuccessful. what's wrong with me??

this is the second sunday night in a row...maybe i'm just extremely hyped up from the midtown meetings. that could totally be it.

or maybe there's just something wrong with me. oh well, at least i don't have to worry about getting up for work in a couple of hours.

i think it's human nature, especially for females, to want to understand things. we want to know all the details. we need to hear exactly how someone feels, or thinks, or might possibly think about feeling. there can be a situation that really has very little bearing on our lives today, but we still want to know why it happened the way it did. the reasons behind actions are important. the intent of words matters to us. we want to know whether we perceived things correctly. we NEED explanations...

and when we don't get them, it's hard to accept. we think we have a right to know the truth of the situation. and we think that knowing that truth will somehow give us satisfaction and closure. seriously, ladies...how many times have you thought "well, i could let this go if i only knew x and y" or "all i want is to understand what happened." we just wanna know. that's all. no more. no less.

really? i mean, is it really no more and no less? or is there some other thing that we're looking for? perhaps affirmation that we were right. maybe that feeling that we're better off without so and so now that we know the whole story. i'm not sure. i do think sometimes we truly JUST want to get our minds around things. we want to UNDERSTAND.

and men, well...i think our need for understanding drives them mad sometimes. they just don't care about the details. what's done is done. let's take life for what it is and move on. they can let things go without a detailed explanation.

we are so different. it amazes me that God designed us for each other when we are so COMPLETELY opposite in so many ways. i think that's one of the things that i'm looking forward to most about meeting "tha man." learning about all the differences, enjoying the similarities, and just having fun in the process.

understand?

1. columbia has the longest red lights in the world.
2. being stuck in traffic really is not fun.
3. having good friends makes life sweet.
4. the job-hunting process gets old fast.
5. target really is the greatest store ever.
6. people are gonna disappoint you.
7. you've gotta give grace or you'll always be unhappy.
8. sometimes you can know exactly what you want and be totally wrong.
9. there's a lot less drama when you hang around married folks most of the time.
10.huger street is not pronounced hug-er or huge-er. it's something else entirely.

things are busy in cola. i feel like i haven't had time to think lately. and that's a total answer to prayer. i'd been getting a little restless and bored. can't complain about that right now.

i really like it here. i wasn't sure how i would feel about this place since almost everyone said it had no redeeming value...but i'm enjoying it. maybe it's just the larger city feel. maybe it's the cool places. maybe it's the unending opportunities to see and experience new things. i don't know exactly...but the thought of exploring all these things is exciting.

i can already see that God is blessing me with incredible people to know, love, and learn from. there are amazing (not old, but certainly older than me) women here that i just want to sit and listen to. one woman in particular, cathy, is just so cool. you know how you meet certain people and you just think "they're going to be a great influence on me. i can learn from them?" i definitely thought that of cathy as soon as i met her. and there are just so many sincere, caring girl friends here that i am so happy to be getting to know better. i think these relationships are going to have a huge impact on me...i just feel it. God has put these women in my life for specific purposes, and i am so thankful.

i want to keep writing, but i so need to go to bed...there has not been a lot of sleep lately and i've got to leave for day 3 of a conference tomorrow morning at 7am.

i do have some cool thoughts to share later when i have more time. i promise i'll stop just giving you little updates...i'll try to actually say something at some point.

should hear something about the job soon...but i've got an interview at another place friday. it would give me much more access to lost and unchurched people. we'll see what happens.

my computer makes me happy. some people mock me for that. i think that means they don't have macs and therefore they cannot understand my feelings.

why am i still awake???

first, awanita for a youth retreat. dustin spoke and chris and the guys played. so great to see the fabulous chris brown band in action again. the demo is coming soon...prepare yourselves.

the weekend was a nice break from things...but also very difficult. we were with a group from fountain inn. while we were there, two guys very close to the group were in a car wreck in charleston. one died instantly and the other is in a coma. obviously, the news of what had happened caught us all totally unprepared...i mean, you can't prepare for things like that. but it makes you think about things so differently, at least for a while. one of the leaders on the trip had been dating the guy who passed away for like three years...i don't think they were "technically a couple" at the time. i mean, we were sitting at awanita and she was talking about this guy and things that were going on with him at school--and he was dead. she had no idea. (i don't mean to sound insensitive. i hope it doesn't read that way. it's just the truth.) how do you recover from something like that? how do you deal with that sort of thing? other guys on the trip lost a best friend. it was just so hard to be there and not have any clue how to help...your heart just hurts for the families and the friends of these guys. and of course, it's so easy to give the answer that God is using this in some way. and i know that He is. i'm sure most of the people affected would say the same. but that doesn't make the hurting stop. it doesn't keep people from wondering why and wishing they could have said that one more thing...

situations like this one naturally make you reflect on your own relationships. have you said everything you need to say to the people you care about? is there anyone you're upset with that needs your forgiveness? there really is no better time than right now...we are not promised tomorrow. that whole deal about not letting the sun go down while you are still angry makes so much sense. i'm not trying to teach you all some cute little lesson...this isn't my attempt to gain some deep insight out of what happened. i just know that i immediately started thinking through some of the last conversations i had had with people--just to make sure there was no one i needed to call. i hope i never have to live with the regret that my last encounter with someone was not what i wanted it to be, or that i didn't tell them how much i loved them, or that i wouldn't forgive them for something.

(brenna, kent, and john...these are the people i know who lost loved ones this weekend. i'm sure your prayers would be cherished.)

on a much lighter note...midtown fellowship had it's first deal-io tonight. we had a cook-out downtown at jammin' java. an amazing group of people showed up for incredible teriyaki chicken (nice job, dee wee), discussion, fellowship, and prayer. it was so exciting to sit in a room full of people who are ready to get this thing going too! columbia has been starving for a church that truly exists to serve people and to show others how to experience the love of Christ.

i could go on and on...but i must go to sleep. i'm exhausted from this weekend and we've got a church planting conference to go to for the next 3 days. i have to get up in 5 hours. dang, that's gonna suck. (the getting up part, not the conference part...hopefully.)

love ya. mean it.

everyone is different. no two people are not on fire.
still makes me laugh out loud like nothing else.

i am single. as in, not dating anyone. and although you may be confused...it is true.

no doubt you've had a hard time keeping up. i know it's been a little unpredictable. but now you know. sorry if you were kept in the dark (unintentionally). i don't really like to address that area of life on here...so if you've got questions at some later point, just ask me.

God's really been showing me a lot about what it means to truly care for and protect the people in your life. and i am perfectly content to wait on Him and whatever He has for me. i'm tired of trying to make things work, tired of being wrong, tired of having my heart broken. and i don't mean this as anything negative toward anyone...so please don't read into it. life has just been teaching me some hard, sorta messy lessons. but i'm glad to be where i am and i'm just enjoying the ride.

the one thing that has been reinforced for me recently is the power of words that are carried out in actions. honestly, words that are not backed up by actions are meaningless. it's been quite a check for me personally. do i follow through on what i say? can people count on me to do what i promise? i truly believe that who we are, in large part, is determined by the weight that our words carry. if others know that we do what we say...that is a strong statement of integrity. but if others hear our promises and think "well, that might happen" or "yeah right, i know better than to count on them"...that is compelling evidence that our words have lost their meaning. i hope we're all challenged to make our words count...and when we're not sure--to shut up.

by the way, i had a job interview today. if you feel like saying a little prayer for that whole situation...i wouldn't mind.

oh...and i don't know the best way to do this, but i have im now. so, if you know me and you've got im...shoot me an email and let me know your username. laurendotbrown@gmail.com. (i hope i don't get emails from crazy people.)

for real.

i just got a pretty new mac g4 in the mail. in two days, nonetheless. it's amazing. i am smitten.

and you can expect MUCH more regular updates now, since i can get on the internet ridiculously easily. wireless. so nice.

i promise. more blogging from me is on the horizon. but i've got to spend some quality time with my new love right now, figuring out all the things that make him tick...

(i'm weird. it's okay. i know.)

by the way, i'm in cola. been here for a week. things are good. i'll fill you in soon.